TDWF Episode 4

TDWF IV: Diabolical Deceit and Tyrannical Treachery

“Okay show’sa starting,” Will said, clapping his hands together, “Chop-chop!”

The other commentators, spare Ben, who was repairing a computer panel, and was already in the room. “Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the TDWF this wonderful summer evening!” Will said.

“I wonder if he realizes its autumn,” Kevin whispered.

“What?” Will said, spinning around.

“Nothing,” Kevin said, “Carry on!”

Ben looked at the credits, “Can’t we call it ‘A Star of Hope’?” he asked.

“No, because that’d be an improper title,” Jesse said.

“Oh,” Ben said.

Falco looked around, “So should we have the first match now? Or wait till we’ve wasted two pages worth of script before we begin?” he asked.

“Wait,” Kevin said, “I’m sure Agent will have something to say to hold up, right Agent?”

“Qué?!” Agent said, looking up, his normal wild grin now vanished with a more agitated and alienated look.

“Well,” Falco said, “I mean normally you’re babbling away by this time, have you anything to say?”

“No, yo no tengo nada decir,” Agent said, a slight hint of a Jersey accent on him.

“Well that certainly cut to the chase now didn’t it? So much for suspense…” Kevin said.

“Shut up Kevin!” Jesse said.

“¿Dijo bien. ..What fue su nombre otra vez?” Agent said.

“Stop speaking in Chinese!” Ben said, “Gah, Agent we have a hard enough time trying to understand you!”

¡Yo no hablo a chino. ..And que soy no Agente!” Agent said, “¡Esto es español!”

“It’s Spanish,” Will assessed, “Anyone here know Spanish.”

“Allí ahora usted tiene su página. ¡Ahora sálgame solo y permitió que mí hacer mi trabajo!” Agent said.

Everyone nodded, no one spoke Spanish. “Good thing I do,” Will said, “¿Quién no es usted si Agente?”

“Soy Señor Fluffy Univac,” Agent said.

“¿Ah, Señor Fluffy Univac, por qué ha venido usted a nosotros entonces?” Will said.

Kevin whispered to Ben, “Can you make any sense of this?”

“Only because I’ve read the script,” Ben said, “And you’re supposed to ask Falco not me.”

“Oh sorry,” Kevin said, he then leaned over Falco’s shoulder, “Can you make any sense of this?”
“The only words I got are Señor and Fluffy…” he said.

“¿Dirá usted a esos imbéciles para cerrar sus hoyos de pastel?” Agent said.

“Can’t you speak English?” Will asked.

¿"Bien seguro. ..But por qué hago oso tocar la lengua con su langague asqueroso"? Agent replied.

"Piensa en la audiencia en casa". Will said.

“Good point,” Fluffy said, “It’s also good that they are finally typing my name as ‘Fluffy’.”

“So why are you here,” Falco said, “And what have you done to Agent?!!”
“Simple,” Fluffy said, “I inhabit this body just as you inhabit yours.”

“But Agent owns his!” Ben said.

“No…” Fluffy said, “We share this body…”

“So what are you doing here awake though?!!” Jesse asked.

“I’m getting to that,” Fluffy said, “Agent was originally assigned to work as an operative amongst you for Dark Lord SY; alas he betrayed SY and now seats amongst you.”

“So he sent you?” Falco said.

“Precisely,” Fluffy said, “But I have no intention of serving that megalomaniac any longer! From now on I’m a traitor…And I know just what SY will call me! Señor Traitor Fluffy Univac! You can call me that if you like.”

“How about we just turn it into an acronym?” Falco asked.

“Works for me,” STFU said.

“STFU would you like a job as a commentator?” Will asked.

“I’d love too,” STFU said.

“Right!” Ben said, “First match of the day!”

Destroyah vs. Gyaos

Destroyah trudged it’s way into the middle of the island. Gyaos was perched atop the mountain, she chirped lightly, before sending a stream of sonic sound spiraling down towards her foe. Destroyah leaped out of the way, utilizing it’s laser horn it quickly sliced the mountain cliff where Gyaos was situated in half, causing the giant bird to fall.

Destroyah caught Gyaos and injected the bird with micro-oxygen wounding the giant bird. Destroyah then spun Gyaos up into the air, he batted the bird away with his tail. And then obliterated his foe with a micro-oxygen explosion.

Destroyah wins through total annihilation…

“And so the chicken says ‘that’s no moose that’s my wife!’” Kevin snickered, Ben cracked up at this.

“STFU!” Jesse said.

“What?!!” STFU replied.

“Never mind,” Jesse said.

STFU clutched his forehead, “I feel sick,” he said, “I’m going to get a bucket.”

“A bucket?” Kevin said, “What for? For Ben to kick?!”
He cracked up, Ben shot him a look and he went silent. “There’s some Dramamine in the medicine cabinet,” Jesse said, pointing downstairs.

STFU nodded and went downstairs. Jesse watched him descend, then turned back and faced to the other commentators. “Man I knew Agent was insane but this goes against everything I had expected,” Jesse said.

“Yeah,” Will said, “Still such an odd plot twist is to be expected.”

“True,” Jesse said, “But this is a bit extreme.”

“It’s nothing compared to what’s coming!” Ben interrupted.

“Shut up Ben,” Jesse said.

“You know, if I wasn’t a shrink I probably wouldn’t be saying this but…” Kevin said, “Notice that Fluffy seems to be a Bridger…Whereas Agent is more of a superego, I mean deep down he’s the nicest guy I know.”

“So you’re wondering where the Id is in all this?” Falco said, raising an eyebrow.

“Precisely,” Kevin said.

“A bit off topic,” Ben said, “But you know what we need? Cool background music!”

“Ben…Shut up!” Jesse said.

“It’s true though,” Falco pointed out.

STFU crawled back up the stairs, his left eye twitching and its pupil disproportionate to its right counterpart, and he was trembling. “Fluffy?” Falco asked, “You okay bud?”

“Fluffy?” STFU asked, “I’m not Fluffy… I’m Agent…As in AgentX95! My full title which everyone seems to have forgotten about in this…this…REMAKE!”

“Chill out dude,” Falco said, “The remake was your idea.”

“I know, but it still gives me a way to output my rage,” Agent said.

“Back to an in-character remark,” Jesse said, “So what do you know of Dark Lord SY?!!”

“Nothing!” Agent said, “I’ll never, never tell!”

“So you do know something then,” Falco said, “Tell me now!”
Falco pinned Agent up against the wall with an arm around his neck, “¡Bájese deme usted puta anoréxica descarnada de drogadicto!” Agent protested, his Jersey accent coming back on.

“Oh dear,” Will said.

“What?!!” Falco said, “What did he say?!!”

“Stuff we can’t mention on air,” Will said.

“Well what did he say?!” Falco grumbled.

“You don’t want to know…” Will said, “And I’m leaving it at that.”

“I think Fluffy came back,” Kevin said, “I’ve known Agent for a while; he only speaks French, German, and some Japanese.”

“¡Usted es zurce el derecho que regresé, el Agente no puede luchar el valor nada! ¡Ahora bájese deme usted mono-brained de puerco-encaró demonio demoníaco!” Fluffy said.

“You shut up!” Agent’s personality roared back, “This is my job! And two can play at your game! Hoo-hoo! Oh yes! Le français est la façon pour aller ! Ils ont du fromage, le pain, les tours, et les femmes avec les aisselles poilues !”

“This could get interesting,” Jesse said, “Let him go, let Agent just fight it out with himself.”

Falco let go, “Works for me!”

“Ha ! Je gagnerai ! Préparer à rencontrer votre Monsieur de ruine Fluffy ! Allons-y !” Agent said.

“¡Donde las dan las toman! ¡Yo le mataré!” Fluffy shouted.

“Aussi pourrait vous tuer!” Agent shouted, “Aller manger un chargement de merde de cheval!

“¡Usted come mierda de caballo!” Fluffy retorted, “¡Y así que hace a su mamá! ....And su Papá!”

“Ouais bien ne pas me blâmer quand les censeurs vous interdisent!” Agent said.

“Por lo menos yo no soy un resser cruzado!” Fluffy shouted, grabbing Agent by the neck, which was infact his own as well.

“Cela a à rien ne faire avec cela ! Maintenant mourir ou je vous tuerai où vous vous tenez le taré d'aberration de lâche de bas-vie mangeur d'escargot de goth à demi de nudistes et le membre de PETA!” Agent shouted, throwing Fluffy down the stairs.

“¡Muérase el vampiro ahora impío de Francia!” Fluffy shouted, falling down the stairs, wrestling Agent’s hands off of him.

“Nous avons fait ceci pour une page le maintient un morceau plus long ! Parlons de quelque chose d'autre!” Agent said.

“¡Yo aunque Hombre de Spider Man Three! ¡Yo Sandman malo fue fresco pero fue totalmente cojo en el punto culminante y en que el demonio fue el "New Goblin" debe haber sido el Hobgoblin!” Fluffy said, as he rolled down the stairs.

“Je consens, mais le Venom est le souhait toujours impressionnant il était plus grand bien que comme dans le comique!” Agent said, “Dans la boîte LOST vous croyez qu'ils ont éliminé Charlie?”

“¡Ellos mataron Charlie?!! ¡Ah mi bondad!” Fluffy exclaimed.

“How long till they hit the bottom?” Kevin whispered amidst the mass argument.

“About ten seconds…” Jesse said.

“OW!” Agent shouted, as his back hit the ground.

Agent held down Fluffy, “Ha now die!” he shouted.

1…2…3…Agent wins!

“Okay,” Jesse said, “Match over…Now Agent fights Destroyah!”

Agent stood up and dusted himself off, “I nominated Ben to fight Destroyah and take my place.” He proclaimed.

Everyone looked at each other, spare Ben, and nodded. “Works for us,” Jesse said.

“Why me?!!” Ben said.

“Because you’re a red shirt and I want to get on with the finale,” Agent said, “Now go…And because I’m your boss!”

Destroyah vs. Ben

Ben walked out of TDWF Tower and walked towards Destroyah. Ben barely came up to Destroyah’s toenail. Ben looked up and grinned and was flattened instantly.

Destroyah wins!

“In what may be called the shortest battle ever,” Will said, “And despite all odds! Destroyah has won! I can only say one phrase, someone please fill in the other spot! ‘Oh my god he killed Benny!’”

“ ‘You Bastard’” Kevin said.

“And so wraps up another heart-felt episode of the TDWF!” Jesse said, “Good night and don’t forget to brush your teeth!”

Meanwhile…In a spaceship hovering above the Earth…

“So they think they can play games huh?” SY said.

“Well next episode is the finale! And I’ll show them!” he chuckled, “So much for that split-personality weirdo! Prepare for the final battle! Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”

“Jetzt beginnt das Finale und der allerletzt Handlungsdrehung!” SY laughed.

The End