TDWF Episode 5

TDWF V: War on Earth

“Okay!” Agent said, “Finale time! Do as many rip-offs as you can of other programming!”

“D’oh! Agent no more rip-offs!” Jesse said, “Otherwise the kids watching these won’t know plagiarism when they see it!”

“Look can we just get the battles out of the way so we can have the finale?” Falco asked.

“You will be exterminated,” Agent said.

“Hey!” Ben noticed, “We got italics back!”

“I don’t like italics,” Jesse said, “They take to much time to type.”

“Shut up,” Will said, “Let’s get on with it!”

“Yes get on with it!” Fluffy said.

“Get on with it!” Agent said.

“Get on with it!” Falco said.

“Yeahh roar!” Ben and Kevin shouted.

“Hit the ‘Imperial March’!” Falco said, playing a CD as the Darth Vader theme came on.

“Yeah!” Agent said, “Now that we have a Monty Python and Star Wars reference we can begin!”

“I can’t wait for the South Park reference!” Ben said.

“Shut up Ben!” Jesse said.

“So for those of you at home,” Falco said, “Get some popcorn, cookies, and a bottle of water sense we hope this will last about Twelve Pages! Dae-dae-dae-dum! Dae-dae-dae-dum!”

“Dae-dae-dae-dae-dum-dum!” Agent hummed the song along with Falco.

“Excuse me guys,” Kevin said, “But there’s just one reference I have to get out of my system.”

“And that would be?” Will asked.

“With great power comes great responsibility,” Kevin sighed.

“Well guess what?” Ben said, “Agent goes all Green Goblin and Gollum later on!”

Falco put his hand around Ben’s mouth, “Shhhhh!” Falco said, “Shhhh! Quiet! …Will the audience please disregard the last comment?!”

“Look on the bright side of things,” Agent said, “He got the Lord of the Rings reference out of the way…”

“Good point,” Falco said, releasing Ben, “We need a Jeepers Creepers reference and an AVP reference!”

“Movie references for all!” Kevin proclaimed.

“First match!” Will said, “No objections?”

“Nope,” Jesse said.

“Good,” Will said.

“EXTERMINATE! ANNIHILATE! DESTROY!” Agent shouted, “Love that song.”

“You should listen to Rammstein,” Falco said.

G2K vs. Destroyah

G2K’s eyes narrowed as he saw Destroyah, Destroyah simply stared, inert. G2K charged his opponent, Destroyah leapt out of the way. G2K looked up at his foe, Destroyah’s wings stopped flapping and the giant crab-creature prepared to do a full body-slam. G2K fired his heat-ray, stunning and wounding his foe who came crashing down upon his head.

G2K struggled to crawl out from under his heavy-weight opponent. Destroyah crawled off and fired his laser horn, G2K screeched with pain, but managed to escape. G2K fired his heat ray, but quiet simultaneously Destroyah fired his micro-oxygen ray.

A massive beam fight transpired with the two glowing rays of deadly energy pressing against each other. G2K moved into the ray as it began to glow more and more yellow, than red. Finally Destroyah was forced to let out. G2K gave it full force, but Destroyah managed to duck.

Destroyah charged forward with his massive stinger’dididid tail.

“Stinger’dididid tail?” Jesse interrupted.

Destroyah grappled G2K on to a cliff, pinning him down with his tail. G2K struggled to fire his heat ray, but only foamed at the mouth. Destroyah fired his micro-oxygen ray, scarring G2K’s flesh, but it soon healed over.

G2K gasped for air as Destroyah mercilessly pummeled him while simultaneously firing his saurian adversary with micro-oxygen. G2K snarled and his rage blinded his thoughts, he couldn’t think straight as his body slowly succumbed.

1…2…

No G2K thought of how his wife had been cheating on him with Godzilla! G2K was reinvigorated with energy and a nuclear pulse immediately broke Destroyah’s hold. G2K punched Destroyah back, pulling a similar tactic of stomping his foe and shooting his heat ray. Destroyah wailed away then suddenly in a poof of orange dust he vanished.

1???2???Thr-…

No! Seven smaller versions of Destroyah surfaced from the ground and began overwhelming the much taller G2K.

“Rotersand!” Agent shouted.

“Rammstein!” Falco retorted.

“Rotersand!” Agent shouted, again.

“Rammstein!” Falco shouted.

“Rotersand infinity!” Agent shouted.

“Rammstein infinity squared!” Falco shouted.

“Shut up you two!” Will shouted.

G2K threw another little Destroyah off his shoulders before blasting away at another one with his heat ray. He stomped one under his foot and sent two more flying with his tail. G2K roared and blasted everything he could with his heat ray. G2K saw there were no more Destroyahlings around him. He sighed in relief, as a small tremor wound up beneath him. He looked down as the Earth split open, behind him the Destroyahlings had re-merged and now carried up G2K in their supreme form. G2K snarled and tried to fire but couldn’t as he soared into the heavens.

G2K struggled to escape but Destroyah would not let go. Destroyah’s tail came around his left shoulder and locked on to G2K’s throat. G2K struggled to move but he was already out of breath from working so hard. G2K finally built up rage inside of him and a massive nuclear explosion occurred within his spines, the explosion was massive and obliterated the view of the sun.

Destroyah let go as he was disintegrated and bits and pieces of him fell down. G2K fell down in one piece but…

G2K wins…

“Good now on to scene 24 which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting in which a vital part plot is carried out,” Agent said.

“And what would that be?” Jesse asked, staring at Agent.

Agent pulled out a gun, “I’m going to take you all prisoners.”

“I thought you betrayed,” Falco said, leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah well here’s a plot-twist for you Benny!” Fluffy said.

“Now if you’ll come with us,” Agent said.

“You mean you,” Falco said.

“No he means us,” Fluffy said, prodding Falco with the gun.

“Yeah what he said!” Agent said.

Falco pushed the gun away, “No…”

“Chop-chop! Allonys-y! Up and at ‘em!” Agent said, “Beeilen Sie sich!”

Three warriors materialized, because they were stock-characters doomed to the Stormtrooper effect they had no lines, but they nonetheless pointed their guns at the commentators and gestured for them to follow. “Alright fine,” Will said, “I’m not in the mood to be in a fight sequence just yet.”

Agent/Fluffy grinned, “Excellent…” Agent whispered.

Fluffy tapped a button on his watch, “Beam us up Scotty!” he said.

On board the spaceship, now no longer cloaked but still above the Earth preparing to destroy it. The commentators, Agent/Fluffy, and the three warriors materialized. “How’s that for a Star Trek reference?” Fluffy asked.

“Very good,” Falco said.

“Yes,” Fluffy said, “A Star Trek and a Star Wars reference in less than a page! Now all we need is a Stargate reference!”

“Indeed,” Falco said.

Another guard of the Materialization platform, “Fluffy Univac, please escort our ‘guests’ to their quarters,” he said.

Fluffy/Agent nodded, “Come on guys…” he sighed.

“We get quarters?” Ben whispered.

“I think he means prison,” Kevin whispered.

After walking down a rather pretty hallway adorned with brass and silver ornaments along with blue lights the commentators reached their prison cell. However Agent/Fluffy was shoved in as well. “Hey!” Agent said, “Why am I being shoved in?!!”

“Because,” The head guard said, “You waited to long to return; when Lord SY awakens from his slumber you can take it up with him.”

Fluffy sighed and grumbled. “Hey!” Will said, “There’s a TV in here! We can continue to commentate!”

Yonggary vs. Godzilla

Godzilla rose from the depths of the water and roared a challenge to Yonggary. Yonggary bellowed in response and waved his head to taunt Godzilla. Godzilla marched slowly from the depths, unlike G2K he was not lightly built, in fact just the opposite.

The two saurian monsters continued to roar at each other, Yonggary shot a fireball, but Godzilla ducked it with relative ease. Godzilla fired his heat ray, Yonggary screeched with pain, he was not a very heavily built kaiju and was very susceptible to damage.

Godzilla let off his relenting attack but moved forward as his stunned opponent struggled to regain his train of thought. Godzilla punched Yonggary in the face several times before kicking him in the groin. Yonggary fell over quickly afterward.

Godzilla smashed his opponent’s face and held him down.

1…2…3! Godzilla wins!!!

“My that was quick….Especially for a semi-final!” Kevin said.

“Well more room for the climax then,” Jesse said.

“Woohoo!” Ben said, “Climax!”

“Shut up Ben,” Jesse said.

“Well we need to think of a way out of here,” Will said.

“Sonic screwdriver?” Falco said.

“How about a Laser Screwdriver?” Ben suggested.

“Shut up, Ben,” Jesse said.

“I’m tempted to make a Shakespearian reference,” Fluffy said.

“So make one…” Will said.

Fluffy sighed, “To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.”

“Happy?” Jesse asked.

“Very much so,” Fluffy said.

A guard with an imposing halberd came towards the cell, “Lord SY will see you now,” he said.

He unlocked the cell as the commentators were forced to follow. Down the dark corridor again, this time they went to what appeared to be the control room. Fluffy took a seat on the throne, the guards departed. “So where is he?” Jesse asked.

“Behold your Lord and Master’s face,” Fluffy said, clicking a remote button on the throne.

An armada of brass flying saucers appeared on screen, accompanied by an ominous choir singing, those who knew the DoctorWho soundtrack recognized it as track 25 the Dalek theme song. “Oh sorry,” Fluffy said, “Agent must have forgotten to take out the Doctor Who DVD.”

“Episode 12: Bad Wolf,” Agent remarked, “My favorite.”

Fluffy clicked the button again, “Now behold the face of your Lord and Master.”

The camera on the large TV panned towards the throne, zooming in on Agent/Fluffy. “More like Agent slash Fluffy slash Dark Lord SY,” Agent said, but his voice was deeper and had a Scottish accent.

“What a plot-twist!” Ben said.

“I saw that one coming,” Kevin said.

“You are one ugly mother,” Falco muttered.

“Yeah, yeah,” SY said.

“The suspense is killing me!” Ben said, “What’s coming next?!!”

SY pulled out a gun and shot Ben, “Yeah….Oh my God, I killed Ben…Get over it,” he said, “That’s becoming too much of a cliché for my tastes.”

“You bastard!” Kevin said, “But I agree.”

“So…Where were we?” SY asked.

“Behold the face of your master?” Will suggested.

“Oh yes!” SY said, “Behold the face of your Lord and Master! I rule sixteen systems in the constellation of Callufrax!”

“Oh scary!” Jesse said, “I own two shares in Tacoma, Washington!”

“Oh you’re frightening,” SY chuckled, “Now die!”
“I signed on for season two though!” Jesse said.

“So did Agent,” SY said, “Now die!”

SY shot Jesse, Kevin screamed like a girl, and Will simply passed out. “You…You shot me!” Jesse said, clutching the bullet wound.

Falco stood forward, “I’m going to stop you, even if it kills me!”

“Better wait a minute,” SY sang.

“Yah better hold the phone.
Yah better mind your manners.
Better change your tone.

“Don’t you threaten me son.
You got a lot of gall.
We gonna do things my way.
Or we won’t do things at all.

“You don’t know what you’re messin’ with.
You got no idea!
Yah don’t know what you’re lookin’ at
When your looking here!

“Ya don't know what you're up against,
No, no way, no how.
You don't know what you're messin' with,
But I'm gonna tell you now!

Get this straight!
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space
and I'm bad.
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space
and it looks like you been had.
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space,
So get off my back, 'n get out my face,
'Cause I'm mean and green
And I am bad.”

“Dude that’s Little Shop of Horrors,” Falco said.

“Dang it,” SY said, “You’re no fun.”

“Can we just cut to the chase,” Jesse asked, “I’m tired of laying here wounded.”

Falco and SY nodded as the two proceeded to fight one another. By contrast to Agent, SY was an epic warrior and Falco was almost defeated. Falco roundhouse-kicked SY, to no avail. “Cu-loo-koo-koo-koo-ku-ku-ku!” Falco sang in a reference to the film Strange Brew, charging at SY, his voice going up the musical scale, then it went back down, “Cu-loo-koo-koo-koo-ku-ku-ku!”

SY, rolled out of the way then stuck his leg out and tripped Falco. Kevin hit his Ipod and proceeded to watch it with the song ‘Exterminate, Annihilate, Destroy’ by Rotersand playing in the background, it went well as Falco and Dark Lord SY went at it.

Falco punched SY square in the nose, but the space-overlord in the body of Falco’s best-friend continued to fight. SY doubled punched Falco before Butterfly kicking the Security Officer’s face. “Now die!” SY said, pulling a gun out.

Falco pulled his own gun out, as Kevin danced to his music. Falco shot SY, “Not so much look!” SY said, still pursuing Falco.

Falco managed to kick the gun out of SY’s hand while crab-walking. Falco threw away his gun, “Such a messy weapon,” he said.

“Let’s settle this like gentlemen,” SY said, handing Falco a sword, SY drew his own sword.

The two engaged into a virulent fight that lasted over five minutes, Kevin looked onward but continued to dance with no apparent cause as the song shifted to the ‘Imperial March’ from the Star Wars soundtrack.

“Come on Falco,” SY said, “You know you can’t beat me!”

“I know,” Falco said, “But we need to continue this battle for at least till the end of this page.”

SY nodded in agreement, “Give it up Cheesy fighter you cannot beat me, let us ruin the audience’s time by ending the battle early,” SY said.

Now there was one thing Falco could not stand: and that was to be called ‘Cheesy’. In his immense rage Falco broke down on SY’s sword, shattering it. Falco kicked Dark Lord SY and held the blade to his throat. “Fatality,” Falco said.

“No…” SY said, “Keep what you kill.”
SY was gasping for air, but grinning madly. “There’s your page,” he said.

“Oh so it is,” Falco smiled, “Now to finish this season off once and for all so that I can go have a vacation in Hawaii!”

“Surrender SY you are defeated,” Falco said.

SY looked around, “Greifen Sie meine Günstlinge an!!” he shouted, “Töten Sie das übel riechende!”

Immediately, a dozen guards entered waving guns. Kevin picked up the two guns dropped earlier in the fight sequence. “Hasta la vista, baby,” Kevin said, shooting at the guards.

The guards tried to fire at Kevin but failed, somehow they completely missed Falco. SY clicked a button on his watch. “Fools,” he muttered.

“What?” Falco said, “What have you done?!!”

“The ship’s self-destruct sequence has been activated,” SY chuckled, “You have thirty seconds to reach minimum safe distance.”

“He has a button on his watch that will transport us down to the planet!” Jesse shouted, “Click it!”

Falco searched SY’s watch for the button and found it in the form of a button with the word ‘TRANSPORT’ stamped on it. Falco shrugged and pushed it, instantly he, AgentX95/Señor Traitor Fluffy Univac/Dark Lord SY, and the other commentators were transported back to TDWF Tower.

Will awoke from his unconscious state just to see the giant explosion in the sky with the others. “Whoa,” he said, before passing out again.

“Now you’ve brought a greater curse upon yourself,” SY chuckled, “Now I’m stuck with you…But, always look on the bright side of life!”

SY started to whistle, Jesse slapped him, “Shut up SY,” he said, “I suggest we download these two extra consciences out of Agent’s head.”

“Can we even do that?” Kevin asked.

“Dude,” Jesse said, “It’s science fiction we can do whatever we want!”

“Cool!” Kevin said.

“Now don’t get any ideas,” Jesse said, he turned to Falco, “You okay?”

“Oh yeah perfectly fine,” Falco said, “Piece of cake.”

SY was about to strangle Falco but Kevin held him back.

Half-an hour later…

“Well Agent should be out for about an hour,” Jesse said, “But I do have good news…”

“That you just saved a bunch of money on your Car Insurance by switching to Geico?” Kevin asked.

“Well that and Fluffy and SY should be forever removed from Agent’s mind, they will be placed on Hard-drive incase we ever have a need for information they may contain…”

Will stared on, “Should we get to the final battle?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “Let’s get this long day over with.”

G2K vs. Godzilla

Two Godzillas, only one of them could triumph. G2K roared, Godzilla roared in response. Immediately the two went at it with their heat rays, the two rays danced back and fourth hand in hand, as if a giant ball of sparks was going between the two. Neither Godzilla was getting much ground.

Finally the bomb of nuclear fire ruptured knocking both Godzillas downward. Godzilla snarled and G2K grumbled, Godzilla staggered to his feet, but G2K was already charging towards him. Godzilla struggled to fire a heat ray, but was out of juice and only sparks shot out.

G2K slammed his full weight into Godzilla, Godzilla was knocked over once again. G2K pummeled mercilessly at his opponent. Godzilla screeched and fired off a nuclear pulse, G2K was instantly repelled. G2K roared and tried to charge again, but this time Godzilla was prepared for his doppelganger.

Godzilla spun around and knocked over G2K with his tail. Godzilla stomped on G2K’s face, the moment G2K tried to get up Godzilla would stomp him back to Earth.

Kevin began playing the ‘Venom Theme’ from the Spiderman 3 soundtrack.

Anyway…

G2K suddenly darted out from under Godzilla’s foot. Godzilla’s foot came smashing down, G2K grabbed hold of it and bit in. A nuclear bite directly to Godzilla’s foot was particularly painful. G2K pulled under Godzilla, tripping the behemoth. Godzilla snarled and managed to re-charge his heat ray and blasted G2K.

G2K snarled and shoved off the blast. Godzilla pulled himself up and punched G2K. G2K punched in return, the two began to exchange blows like wild-fire. Godzilla roared and G2K roared back, as the Kings of the Monsters fought it out.

Godzilla finally spun around and knocked over G2K. Godzilla sprinted for the ocean, unfortunately Godzilla was not particularly fast, unlike G2K. Fortunately Godzilla made it to the ocean and jumped in, but G2K quickly followed and jumped in afterward.

Godzilla swam down deep and G2K followed, shooting his heat ray at his opponent. Sadly the battle continued beyond the underwater could follow, so we do not know what occurred.

“With the millions of dollars,” Jesse said, “Couldn’t we afford better cameras?”

“Sorry,” Kevin said.

Seven Minutes later….

KABOOM a massive explosion occurred from somewhere beneath the water, spraying up a dolphin, three dozen fish, and a million gallons of water.

Two more minutes…

G2K resurfaced, but Godzilla grabbed on to him and pulled him back under. However a nuclear pulse shot off from G2K’s spines, blasting Godzilla off. Godzilla struggled on to land, trying to recover from the awesome blow, but he was running low on energy.

As he crawled on the land, G2K surfaced and followed, and tripped. The two were panting insanely, G2K struggled to get up and lumber after the crawling Godzilla. G2K stomped on Godzilla. But Godzilla would not be defeated so easily. Godzilla spun around and fired his heat ray directly on to G2K’s face.

G2K screamed and fell to the ground, Godzilla pulled himself over G2K’s body, his body weight holding the smaller kaiju down. Godzilla sighed, as he smashed his fist down on to G2K’s head. Godzilla then fell asleep on top of G2K….

1…2…3! Godzilla beats Godzilla 2000!

“Ha!” Falco said, “Godzilla wins! Agent owes me five bucks!”

“Well it seems things are getting back to normal,” Will said, “And what an exciting season it’s been.”
“Yes indeed,” Jesse said, “We even exceeded the 12 page idea posted earlier!”

“Yup,” Kevin said, “So it gives me great honor to bestow upon Godzilla our first Champion Award!”

“So good night everyone, kids brush your teeth, and see you in October for TDWF Season Two: The Shaw Chronicles!” Will said, “Good night!”

“And don’t let the bed bugs bite!” Kevin said.

“Syonara!” Jesse said.

“Bye-bye now!” Falco said.

The End