TDWF Episode 7

TDWF Episode VII: Pandora’s Box

“Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another smashing addition of the TDWF!” Will said.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen!” Agent said, “And welcome to the TDWF: Season Two! I’m the chairman Agent!”
“You’re still the chairman?!!” Falco said, “You tried to kill us last season!”

“You’re reading the wrong script,” Jesse whispered.

Agent and Falco went over the notes, “Oh yeah,” Agent said, “Sorry!”

“So Jesse any news on locating the signal of that dream thing?” Kevin asked.

“I’ll tell you as soon as Agent turns off that freaking ‘Doctor Who Soundtrack’” Jesse snapped.

Agent grumped and shut off his CD player, and then stared at Jesse. “Thank you,” Jesse said, he cleared his throat, “Well I was not able to get a specific frequency as to where it came, and that could take up to a season to do.”

“So did you find anything at all?” Agent stammered.

“No,” Jesse said, “It’s a Pandora Box just trying to get a lock on one thing; and I don’t want to form a gateway between TDWF tower and God-knows-what!”

“Well,” Will said, “Looks like we’ll have to wait another episode to find out what is going on.”

“Argh,” Agent said, shaking with impatience.

“My nostril itches,” Ben said, scratching the inside of his nose.

“Don’t pick your nose!” Jesse snapped.

“You know it’s weird,” Falco said, “Ever sense that spider-thing first showed up, I can’t help but feel like I’m being watched.”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “I’ve been having the same thing, but it feels sort of tiny…Like…a…a…um…”

“A mouse,” Falco filled in.

“Yes,” Kevin said, “And I keep having these recurring dreams that something with bright purple eyes is staring at me.”

“Wait,” Falco said, “You’re having those dreams too?”
“Hold up! Hold up!” Will said, “So you two are both having the same recurring dream as me…What’s up with that?!!”

Jesse rubbed his chin, “I really don’t know,” he said, “But be honest, when that thing came through it brought dozens of stray dream psionic transmissions with it.”

“So it’s what?” Agent said, “A ghost…”
“Not really,” Jesse said, “It’s more of a glob of radio-waves panning themselves through a rip in reality somewhere, bouncing off the walls, and then finally implanting themselves into our subconscious minds.”

“That’s one strong transmission,” Will said.

“Must be of importance where it came from,” Jesse said.

“Yeah,” Agent said.

“So should we get going with the show,” Will asked.

“I think that’s only fair, I have no more foreshadowing for the week,” Jesse said, “By the way, we need more money so we can build an endo-psionic-wavelength-dematerlization-modulator.”
“A what?” Ben asked, “You never see me rattle off things that make absolutely no sense.”

“A thing that will let us trace the telepathic wavelengths back to their source,” Jesse said.

“So why not just say that?” Ben asked.

“Because it’s so boring,” Jesse said, “And apparently we need to take up at least two pages before starting the first fight.”

“Don’t you think…something dangerous could be at the other end though?” Agent asked, a bit frightened.

“Alternatively we could make first contact with an alien race,” Will said.

“We already did that!” Falco said.

“We did?” Will asked, confused.

“Heeellllooo!” Agent said, waving his hands.

“You don’t count,” Will said.

Agent slumped back in his seat, a sad look on his face, “First match of the day!” He said, twirling his index finger.

Kumonga vs. Bagan

Bagan stomped in the middle of the island, he roared loudly his eyes a blaze. His eyes narrowed as they set upon the four eyes of Kumonga, his arachnid opponent. Kumonga chirped before leaping out of the way, as Bagan instantly fired his Stellar Ray.

Kumonga chirped as he landed and fired his web-ray, Bagan struggled to escape, but to no avail. Kumonga leaped again, this time springing forward past Bagan. Bagan and snarled, his back warmed up as he tried to fire his Stellar Ray, alas the energy was absorbed by the webbing and could not be fired. Kumonga skittered up Bagan’s back and bit down deep into the dragon’s spinal cord.

Bagan hollered as poison began to seep into his veins, the dragon hissed and foamed at the mouth. Finally in a mad fury a Stellar Pulse fired from Bagan, decimating everything around him. As trees exploded in a kilometer radius combusted Kumonga went flying backward.

Bagan shrieked as the webbing as alit into orange blazes, as the ashes fell of their arachnidan genesis went flying backward. Kumonga attempted to fire his web onto Bagan, who was preparing to fire his Stellar Ray and finish off Kumonga. But it failed, both of them did.

As Kumonga’s webbing fired it went down Bagan’s throat, to which the Stellar Ray was rising. Bagan croaked and took Kumonga down, neither one gaining a clear advantage.

Kumonga was the first to get up and tried to pull in Bagan, but the dragon wouldn’t budge. Instead the dragon was more interested in chewing through the webbing embedded in his throat. Bagan hissed and finally pulled the webbing from his throat, to which Bagan threw on the ground.

Bagan struggled to his feet, then he blasted Kumonga, not giving the spider a second’s notice. Kumonga went flying backward, and landed with a distinctive ‘SPLAT’!

Winner through KO, Bagan!

“Agent what are you doing,” Falco asked, looking at his comrade, who had left in mid-battle.

“I’m buufin-g muy teef!” Agent said.

“What?” Falco asked.

“I’m buufin-g muy teef!” Agent said, he spat.

“I still don’t understand,” Falco said.

“I’m brushing my teeth!” Agent said.

“Oh,” Falco said.

“I felt my teeth were unclean,” Agent said, “So I’m brushing them.”

“It’s normal to feel that way with so many stray transmissions wobbling around,” Jesse said, “Some will make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Falco said, “Next thing you know some mûmakil will come crashing through this portal of yours.”


“Exactly,” Agent said, “What is happening!”

"Did you have to cut to the chase?" Jesse asked.

“You’re no fun any more,” Agent said.

“Oh, you’re no fun any more,” Ben said.

“Oh, you’re no fun any more,” Kevin said.

“Okay, you guys are no fun any more,” Falco said.

“You’re no fun,” Will said.

“If anyone else rips off that sketch I’ll throw them under a camel!” Jesse snapped.

“If you can spot any!” Agent chuckled.

“Oy vey,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes.

“Anyway,” Will said.

“Next fight,” Kevin says, “We need better ratings.”

“We also need more Cheez-its,” Falco pointed out, throwing away an empty box of the crackers.

Varan vs. Mothra

Varan marched on the island, his eyes narrowed as Mothra flew in. Mothra hovered quietly above the ground, chirping just audibly. Varan snarled and hissed, Mothra simply stared forward at her foe. Varan breathed steadily, his fork tongue coming in and out.

“Agent turn off the Cyberman theme song!” Jesse snapped.

“Sorry,” Agent said, turning off the CD player.

Varan’s heart tightened, his pulse quickened, his lack of concentration beginning to get the better of him. Mothra continued to hover, as if physically willing her opponent to attack her. Varan struggled to keep his cool, but another ten seconds of this and it would not last.

And Mothra knew it. Varan’s eyes began to dart around, finally he snapped and began to leap for Mothra. Mothra dodged out of the way, but Varan went into a summersault and his spiked tail instantly slammed into Mothra’s bulky head.

Mothra shrieked and fell down, a flaw for her calmness. Mothra struggled to get up but to no avail, Varan was already well out of her way. Varan then flew off, then he stopped. And gravity took hold.

Mothra struggled to take off, finally she made it, and her body began to hover above the ground. Varan however was directly above her, as the sun was blotted out Varan came crashing down upon Mothra.

The weight was far too much for the giant moth to bare and she fell again, totally out of breath…

1…2…3!! Varan wins!

“I’m going to get more Cheez-its,” Falco said, heading downstairs.

“You go and do that,” Jesse said.

Falco jumped down the stairs as he always did, “Bring me SY,” a voice suddenly whispered.

Falco spun around, there underneath the stairway was a man, half-hidden in the shadows. He was dressed in a suit, a very fancy one at that, and very clean. “What did you say?” Falco asked, confused.

“Bring me SY,” the man said, his face not shifting one bit, only to mouth. His voice was cold and ethereal

“S-s-y?” Falco said, “As in Dark Lord SY?”

The man nodded as a sinister smirk came across his face. “Dark Lord SY is dead,” Falco said.

“His body,” The man said, “I can offer you anything you want in the world, or off the world.”

While the offer was extremely tempting, Falco could not possibly turn in his best friend, or could he? Agent had tried to kill him last season, and for what? Total domination and utter enslavement of the planet. Bloody Martian, that stupid SY controlled his body. By the way Agent had put it he had always had three personas, luckily Agent was the nicest and by far the one that had shown his face the most.

“Let me talk this over with the guys,” Falco said, going back up the stairs, realizing he was still hungry for Cheez-its.

The other commentators, who appeared to be discussing which type of Radish they liked the best looked at Falco. “There’s a guy downstairs who says he will give us any amount of money want for SY,” he said.

“Wh-wha’?” Agent stammered, “He didn’t say who he was working for did he?”

“No,” Falco said, “Just that he’d give us anything for the ‘body’ of Dark Lord SY.”

“Okay lemme talk to this guy,” Ben said, “We don’t sell out our cast members, nor do we kill them off in randomly or seemingly odd ways in every episode.”

There was a brief silence while everyone stared at Ben, “Right!” Kevin said, “Everyone downstairs!”

“Hold on,” Jesse said, “We need to think about this. I mean this is Agent we’re talking him about, and this guy think he can offer us just about anything. We need to make sure it’s a good deal!”

“You’re right,” Falco said, as the six of them went downstairs.

Ben peered around the corner, nothing, “Dude there’s absolutely nothing here,” Agent said, “Must’ve been dreaming.”

“Hello,” Ben said.

“Nothing,” Jesse said, “You should get more sleep Falco, and it’s probably that, nothing more.”

“Yeah maybe,” Falco said.

“Final Match?” Will said.

Suddenly a light fixture fell on top of Ben, killing him instantly, ironically contrary to his past comment.

“Oh my god you killed Benny! You bastard!” Kevin said, rushed, “Yeah, final match!”

Bagan vs. Varan

Bagan roared as Varan slowly landed in the middle of Island, still directly across from him. Varan roared too, while Varan was a tall monster, Bagan was simply put huge. Varan roared again and studied his huge opponent.

Bagan immediately fired his Stellar Ray, but Varan dodged it. Bagan tried to follow, but he wasn’t particularly fast ever sense he couldn’t taste properly sense he had that webbing jammed down his esophagus. Varan took no pity on Bagan and glided down towards his foe.

Bagan looked up at the soaring beast only to be kicked in the face, Varan’s legs narrowly clearing Bagan’s horns. Bagan turned around, only to see Varan loop back around. Varan hissed as he flew back, but Bagan was ready, he opened his maw just at the critical moment.

Finally the bland taste of webbing was gone, but ultimately replaced by the taste of Varan’s feet which were equally distasteful. Varan’s eyes opened as he realized what had just transpired. He yelped in pain as Bagan slammed him down.

Bagan slammed his foot into Varan’s cheek, again and again and again. Varan screeched as Bagan finally blasted his foe with his Stellar Ray. Varan was knocked out…

Bagan wins!

“Nice!” Agent said.

“You know,” Kevin said, “We need more engrossing storylines.”
“Yeah,” Falco said, “I do agree.”

“But isn’t the one going on now engrossing enough as it is?” Will asked.

“Well it can only get better soon,” Jesse said, “Anyway, good night all! Shows over!”

“That was abrupt,” Agent said.

The End