TDWF Announcement

Months I'm to lazy to count since the last episode...It has come to this...

“Okay seriously what the frack is up with you morons?!!” SY protested, “We’ve posted on like five kaiju websites, Ben read them off!”

“Yes ma’am, I mean sir!” Ben said.

“Don’t humor him,” Jesse muttered.

“Kaiju Kingdom, Tohokingdom, Godzilla Universe, KaijuHQ!” Ben said.

“That’s four,” Falco said.

“No its not,” SY taunted.

“Yeah it is,” Falco taunted back.

“No it isn’t,” SY said, sticking his tongue out.

“Yeah it is,” Falco calmly said.


“No it isn’t!” SY shouted, “2 + 2 = 5 because SY says it is so!”

“No he doesn’t,” Falco said.

“Yes he does, he just said he does,” SY said.

“No…he DOESN’T!!” Falco said, holding out a lime to SY’s face.

SY went running off screaming like a little girl while Falco snickered. “Now why didn’t I think of that,” Jesse asked.

“Because you are an idiot,” Falco said.

“Anyway,” Ben said.

“Yes…We do have a point to this story,” Falco said, “Agent get back here!”

SY/Agent walked back in. “Look to you our great and awesome Lord-Emperor-God-Kaiser,” Agent said, “SY…No…We mean KaijuHQ, it’s the place we started. Thank you for advertising us so illustriously.

“Alas, when we (which really translates to me hence AGENTx95.blogspot.com) wrote this I wanted one simple thing. I didn’t want fans pouring in to request kaiju custom fights or a detailed storyline critique. Little theory tabs like on Lostpedia, or people tracking my blog. Though all four would be nice. I wanted one thing: a comment. A review. We posted on four (though technically speaking KaijuHQ and Kaiju Kingdom are the same, sort of) websites. I emailed people. I got ZILCH. What gives man?”

“If its awful just tell us! If its good tell us!” Jesse yelled, “If its to complex tell us!”

“While it may not seem like it,” Falco said, “There actually is a story arc to it all! But if no one comments what’s the point of coming to its conclusion?!!”

“Yeah, we had the Return of Shaw storyline then the epic conclusion to it all,” Ben said.

“Wait…You had Shaw return but not me??!” SY snapped.

“You shuddupa!” Falco said, putting his hand over SY’s mouth.

“And then there was the heavily debated seasons six through nine which was another story arc,” Agent said, “But that depended on the ratings of the stories…

Which there are none of…I thank my classmates for their critique of my work. But its not nearly as important as the one community I know I should be a part of besides just you guys. That community is that of kaiju fandom. If the TDWF is offensive to you guys just tell me. Personally, I think I’ve come along way from those crappy stories I wrote in seventh grade, you can still read those on KaijuHQ.”

“I helped on those!” Falco shouted.

“Indeed,” Agent said.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the kaiju community. We know we didn’t get off on the right foot,” Jesse said, “I speak for my character’s creator here, not the man I was based off of. But I really detest the silent treatment. I really do. I love to write, I love kaiju, and I love parody. When did the TDWF go wrong?”

“So we issue this challenge, if anyone at all reads this blog,” Agent said, “Someone post on the topic a quasi-detailed opinion of the TDWF and I’ll let you guys be the judge…Please be honest. I can take criticism. You have until July 31st to submit your opinion or you can kiss us goodbye because I won’t waste my time with silent critics…

Oh yeah…And if you don’t review…I’ll kill Benny!”

“You bastard,” Falco muttered.

SY clicked a gun at Ben’s head, “You’d think I’d be used to this by now,” Ben muttered.

“AH NO BLOOD NO GUTS!” Stormhalt ran away screaming.

“When did he get here?” Falco asked.

“I have no idea,” Jesse said.

“We should cut back on characters,” Falco said.

“Seconded,” Jesse said.

“I’ve thought about it myself,” Agent said, “Sorry Will and Kev, but you twose are going bye-bye…It will be as if you never existed…I hope you two as writers understand why.”
“BECAUSE ITS CONFUSING HAVING SO MANY PEOPLE!!!” Ben shouted.

“Yes,” Agent said, “So…basically…my fellow G-fans…Respond to my topics, subscribe to my blog, or email me (its on KaijuHQ). Just give me some hint that I’m not just posting random shit that nobody looks at unless I grovel at their feet like a kid at a candy store…”

“All we want is a true opinion no matter how negative it might be, just tell us…” Jesse said.
“Please,” Falco said.

“Or we’ll kill Ben,” SY snickered.

“I really don’t think the death of a fictional character, especially one like Ben, is of any real concern to anyone,” Jesse said.

“Shut up!” SY shouted.

The fate of the TDWF is in your hands, respond by July 31st 2009 AD to save it…

Untitled [work in progress]

Yesterday, today, or tomorrow
I confess to you, I am not sure
But I finally told her how felt
And the day was something of a blur

She listened, she but did not care
She wanted nothing to do with me
I was crushed, to be denied by love
The voice in my head said ‘move on’

I lay in my room, head on the bed
I wonder what I did wrong, did I?
Time for a nap, that will get me over
Then the doors opened beneath my feet.

Prismatic and Corrosive colors
All surround me and inside of me
The choirs of devils and angels sing
I don’t know what to say really

The colors cloud my right eye, then left
The choir is sickening to my ears
A tear drop falls from my eye down
It ignites the bottomless floor

Cold fires fuel around my being
Flames extend out and grab my feet
Then they turn to ice, holding me down
Colors swath and stampede down my throat

I want to move but I can’t budge
Colors now swarm with in my body
The choir continues cruel beat
It becomes far too much to bare

Colors left my dazed being
I began to spin like a crazy top
Nine thousand and fourteen spins
Then I went the other way
The colors danced around me

RED
ORANGE
YELLOW
GREEN
CYAN
BLUE
VIOLET

Black and white
The colors disappeared for a second

RED
ORANGE
YELLOW
GREEN
CYAN
BLUE
VIOLET

Black and white

RED
ORANGE
YELLOW
GREEN
CYAN
BLUE
VIOLET

Black and white…I lost track of the spins…

RED
ORANGE
YELLOW
GREEN
CYAN
BLUE
VIOLET

Black and white…I couldn’t take much more of this!

RED
ORANGE
YELLOW
GREEN
What was holding me back?
BLUE
VIOLET

Black and white!

My emotions were what was holding me back. No longer could I keep them secret nor let those that were secret hold me back. I broke free!

YELLOW
GREEN
BLUE
VIOLET
The colors subsided as the choir began to slow.
No longer did anything have any rhyme or rhythm in this cruel world.

The whirlpool of colors began to condense and form into something.
A snake.
A tempter.
The creature that used emotions against us.
A big, fat, snake.
The snake moved forward towards me.
It showed me images of my love.

The snake enveloped me in its quixotic cascade of colors.
There it formed into a clear crystal shard, with me in the middle.
My love’s image kept coming back into my head.

The choir played softly in the back
Decrescendo
Decrescendo
Ritardando
Decrescendo
Nothing...

I realized that my love
The one who had denied me
Was not my love
A sudden burst of staccato startled me

Their song had ended
So should mine and her’s
The crystal splintered open
I was free

The colors took me up as wings sprouted from my back
I was a happy butterfly in a vortex
I flew back to the world of the living.
I was renewed with hope

And now I was ready to move on
To tackle the next day
Which ever one it was…

TDWF 16

TDWF 16: Vacation before Escalation

It has been quiet a while since Ctògó invaded to place SY on trial for his crimes. Since then Agent has gotten a body all to himself, SY received the body of the insane celebrity David Tennant, and Señor Traitor Fluffy Univac is now in control of the TDWF’s computers.

A period of peace is in store for our valiant heroes. Finally with some R&R on their hands, the heroes can finally get down to business. However in the deepest regions of the Galaxy a spaceship has been activated, it’s Captain: an old nemesis, and its destination: The Earth.

“Where’s Agent?!!” Falco said.

“He’s off filming a spinoff movie,” Jesse said.

“Really?” Falco said.

“Yeah,” Jesse said.

“Lucky,” Falco said.

“Hey how come Agent gets his own spinoff movie?” Ben whined, “I want my own spinoff movie!”

“It’s cause we’re human isn’t it?” Kevin said.

“Probably,” Jesse said.

“In other news,” Will said, “David Tennant makes his directorial debut: in SY the movie staring Eric ‘Agent’ Augustine of TDWF fame.”

“Whose Eric?” Ben asked.

“Actually Tennant has directed an episode of Doctor Who: Confidential,” Ben said.

“His first director debut in a movie and with the mind of Dark Lord SY,” Will said.

“Quiet right,” Jesse said.

“Look the point is that SY and Agent are busy making a movie,” Falco said.

“Exactly,” Jesse said.

“So when is Agent getting back?” Kevin asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Jesse said.

“How can you say that he’s the chairman?!” Will asked.

“Actually I’m the chairman when Agent isn’t around, so technically I am,” Falco said.

“I say that because Agent attracts trouble like a bloody magnet,” Jesse said.

“I miss Agent,” Ben said.

“I thought we were like supposed have John Barrowman and Vin Diesel as guest stars,” Kevin said.

“Another episode maybe,” Will said.

“Should we start the first match?” Falco asked.

“We’re only two pages in,” Kevin said, “We never start this early.”

“Then what we can talk about?” Will asked.

“Who’d make a movie of this show?” Jesse asked.

“I would,” Falco said.

“Shut up,” Jesse snapped.

“I found a piece of shrapnel from Ctògó’s ship!” Ben said, holding up a piece of metal.

“Yes, yes that’s great and all,” Jesse said, shoving his hand in Ben’s face.

“I think we should remind the viewers at home who has made it to the Tournament of Champions thus far: Godzilla, SpaceGodzilla, and Legion I believe,” Will said.

Kevin looked through the list, “Yes, that is correct,” he said, “Now to figure out who the kaiju are for today.”“Does it matter?” Jesse asked.

“Yes, we don’t want to use the same kaiju over and over again,” Kevin said.

“I think we should do political commentary,” Will said.

“Uh…none of us know anything about politics,” Ben said.

“I do,” Will said.

“Give us your best then,” Jesse said.

“How about that Sarah Palin? Who’d elect an Alaskan? Who cares about that state nobody even knows where it is?! It’s somewhere down by Mexico and everyone always complains and whines about the heat, do we really need that? Blood Alaskans trying to infest the White House,” Will said.

“HEY!!!” Jesse, Falco, and Ben shouted.

“What’s wrong with Alaska?” Jesse asked, smacking Will upside the head.

“Wait,” Falco said, he turned to face Ben, “You’re not from Alaska! You’re a kiwi!”

“Yeah but Agent isn’t here so I’m filling in for him,” Ben said.

“Agent isn’t from Alaska; he’s from the Planet Cygnus IV!” Falco retorted, “He just says he’s from Alaska because he lived there for seven years before starting the TDWF.”

“And the first match of the day!” Will shouted.

Varan vs. Varan

“Wait…that can’t be right,” Kevin said.

“Then fix it, quickly!” Jesse said.

“I…I can’t find the kaiju roster!” Kevin said, fumbling through some files.

“Mach schnel, mach schnel du hessliche dumkopf!” Jesse said.

Kevin scrambled through the file cabinet, trying to find the match-ups for today’s show. “Um…ah…” Kevin said.

“Just run the trailer for Agent’s new movie,” Falco said.

“Why?” Will asked, “It’s already in theaters!”

“Ugh, this show is getting so disorganized,” Jesse said, “Let’s just jump the shark and get it over with.”

“A-ha!” Kevin proclaimed.

Varan vs. Godzalla*

“The asterisk refers to the fact that this is the Godzilla the Series Godzilla, rather than the abomination that was 1998’s Godzilla,” Kevin said.

“This term was coined on Godzilla Universe,” Ben said.

“The stories on the site intern inspired the TDWF,” Falco said.

“Right,” Jesse said.

“I thought it was the KWF that inspired the TDWF,” Will whispered.

“Shush,” Jesse said.

Varan rose out of the water and slowly walked on to the land, the little sand particles all quivering underneath his massive weight. The giant monitor lizard-dragon-porcupine-whatever-thing sniffed the air trying to find his opponent, but there was no scent.

“And the winner is Varan once again,” Varan said, raising his arms in victory and flying just slightly off the ground, Varan then impersonated a crowd cheering for him.

“Va-ran! Va-ran! Va-ran!” Varan cheered himself on.

“Turn that thing off,” Jesse snapped.

Ben shut off the Kaiju-telepathy enhancer device thingy, Varan suddenly went mute. “But I want to hear them!” Ben retorted.

“Fine,” Jesse said, “Keep it on, but it creeps people out sometimes to hear them thinking.”

“YEAH!” Varan shouted, throwing kisses at nonexistent fans.

Suddenly, a green flame ray shot up blasting Varan out of the air. Godzalla rose out of the water and roared triumphantly. But Varan would not be stopped so easily, the kaiju stood back up and slashed Godzalla with his tail spikes. But another flame ray came up blasting Varan in the face. Varan coughed some before falling over…

1…2…3!!! Godzalla wins!

“I’m bored!” Ben proclaimed.

“Hi Bored,” Jesse said, “My name is Jesse.”

“I just want to get to Season Five already,” Falco whined.

“Well we have to get through Season Four,” Will said.

“Yes, there are things in this Season’s story arc that are necessary in Season Five,” Jesse said.

“And in Season Six,” Kevin added.

“Shhhh,” Falco said.

Suddenly a loud beeping sound was heard, reverberating throughout TDWF Tower. “What is that?” Will asked, covering his ears.

“Yes I’d quiet like to know that as well,” Kevin said.

“That would be the Story Arc,” Jesse said.

“But what is it really?” Falco said.

Ben hit a button on the control console in front of him, “That is the LRDSR,” Ben said

“LRDSR?” Will asked, “That’s almost as bad an anagram as TDWF!”

“Acronym,” Falco corrected.

“Right, bad an acronym as TDWF,” Will said.

“Ewww…” Kevin repeated.

“Shut up!” Jesse said.

“Hey!” Kevin said, “At least I don’t look like an armadillo!”

“Hey!” Jesse said.

“Anyways….” Will said.

“LRDSR,” Ben said, “Long Range Deep Space Radar.”

“Why would we need that??” Falco said.

“In case some alien decides to try to blow us up this season,” Ben said, plugging the device in.

“Wait, didn’t we have this conversation already,” Will asked.

“Probably,” Falco said.

“Shows how lazy the writer has become,” Jesse said.

“So why is that thing beeping,” Falco asked.

“It’s beeping because it’s detected a spaceship headed for us,” Ben said.

“By any chance is it from NASA,” Will asked.

“Well yeah that’s always a possibility but I highly, I repeat, highly doubt that NASA would be in possession of a spaceship that is similar in structure to the one Shaw used to invade with in Season Two,” Ben said.

“But it is possible,” Will asked.

“Yes,” Ben said, “But like I said, I highly doubt it.”

“In that case,” Jesse said, “I suggest we disregard it, and move on with another plot to prove our ignorance.”

“I concur,” Falco said, “When is it due to reach orbit?”

“Episode Three,” Ben said, “This Season.”

“Oh boy,” Will said.

“Look,” Jesse said, “Let’s just get on with the next fight, hmmm? We can expound upon this story arc in the next episode.”

“Darn filler episodes,” Kevin muttered.

Gorosaurus vs. Oodako

Gorosaurus walked into the arena and announced his presence with a thunderous roar, which we will not translate, because we are generally lazy. The giant tyrannosaur studied the arena closely for his opponent, but the super-cephalopod was nowhere to be seen. Of course Gorosaurus had been scouring the land, as he was a land kaiju; his opponent however, was a sea kaiju.

Realizing this Gorosaurus peered into the nearby blue hole for his opponent, suddenly the giant octopus leapt forward, smashing shut the giant jaws of the savage dinosaur kaiju. Gorosaurus struggled to open his mouth but it was to no avail, as the giant cephalopod would not let go.

“What the?” Jesse said, squinting and looking out the window.

“Is that…” Will said.

“A cheeseburger?” Ben asked.

“No,” Jesse snapped.

“A beach ball?” Kevin suggested.

“No,” Falco said, “I see it too.”

“It’s a helicopter,” Will noted.

“Who’d drive out here?” Ben asked.

“You mean fly,” Falco said, “Well I can think of one person…”

“Please let it not be who I think it is,” Jesse said.

Gorosaurus suddenly threw Oodako upward with a thrust of his head, smashing into the helicopter. Its pilot fell to the ground with a noticeable thud. Gorosaurus took note of this but after he saw the pilot dust himself off and calmly walk to the tower. Gorosaurus then did a back flip kick and sent Oodako flying off the island, but the dinosaur was far from being over. Gorosaurus then stuck his tail out and sent Oodako back to him.

The dexterous dinosaur caught the mammoth mollusk in his mouth and crushed down, causing Oodako to spray ink everywhere. He then dropped his opponent and placed one foot on top. 1…2…3!!! Gorosaurus wins!

“Doorbell,” Fluffy said, his near mechanical voice resounding throughout TDWF Tower, he then repeated, “Doorbell. Doorbell. Doorbell.”

“Was it really wise to put one of Agent’s personalities inside of the computers?” Jesse asked.

“No wiser than putting the other in David Tennant’s body,” Falco said.

“True,” Jesse said.

“Someone going to answer the freaking door?” Fluffy asked.

“I’ll get it,” Will said.

“Probably that pilot,” Ben said, “It looked as if I won’t be the only one dying this season.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kevin asked.

“Nothing,” Ben said.

Will hit the button for the elevator and travelled down the 15 stories to the basement, realizing what he had done he pressed 1, and came to ground level. He stepped out and turned a corner to see that the bulkhead front door of TDWF Tower had been clean ripped off. Suddenly a flicker of something bleach-white caught Will’s eyes. He turned to it and studied it, it was a tail. A skeletal tail ending in a fine scythe of bone, or some such material that looked texturally and colorly similar to bone. Suddenly the tail twitched and its owner revealed himself. Steam rippled off of his shoulders, abdomen, and fists; hair smoked and fell out, and the eyes, the eyes burnt with the fury of a Hellish blue sun. Slowly the fists unlocked and the heat energy subsided. Will addressed the individual, “Agent??!”

Agent turned to address his friend and his eyes subsided to their regular sky blue coloration. “Yes it is me!” Agent proclaimed.

“You’re not due back for another episode,” Will said.

“I know,” Agent said, suddenly falling over backward and falling asleep.

Will quickly ran to his friend and examined him, he realized that Agent had two compound fractures in his chest, as well as a broken arm, and a shattered foot, his tail was perfectly fine. Will suddenly hit the intercom button, “Guys I think we need a doctor!”
“Who? Colin Baker, Tom, Peter Davison, Sylvester McCoy, or Paul McGann,” Ben asked.

“Shut up,” Jesse said, “Now which one of us was supposed to be the doctor of the crew?”

“By crew you mean commentators, right?” Kevin asked.

“Yes,” Jesse snapped.

“You are,” Falco said.

“I am?” Jesse said, startled.

“Yes,” Falco said, “Now go down there and help out Eric. And now on to SMURF!”

Down in the SMURF Closet…

“I rented it all out for storage space,” Stormhalt said, “at least in here; I’ll be nice and safe…My old office that is.”

Stormhalt moved some objects around so that he could face the camera better, but it didn’t do much good as it was a closet with not much room. “This is SMURF: Stupid Moronic Ubsurd Rambunctious Fights,” Stormhalt proclaimed, “And now for the first and perhaps last fight of the day!”

There was a moment of silence as drums rolled and pulsated in the background. “The fight is betweeeeeennn…” Stormhalt said, suspensefully, “Oh I’ve got chills running up and down my spine.”

Han Solo vs. Indiana Jones

“Those aren’t monsters!” Kevin proclaimed.

“They aren’t?” Stormhalt quivered.

The fight began as the familiar bum-da-da-bump-bump, da-da-bump-bump of the Indiana Jones theme played. But it was quickly ended when Solo shot the record player. Surprisingly the two just stared at each other for a moment and were not in the least bit interested in fighting with one another.

Suddenly…

“And we will be taking you back to this amazing fight later on,” Falco said, “But for right now, we’re going to focus on Agent.”

Agent was being rushed into the medical room, which wasn’t exactly to deal with inexplicable tail growth, as was the case with Agent. It was however equipped to deal with the numerous broken bones the commentator had suffered though. Jesse shouted, “Give me five grams of Nitro stat!”

“Nitro, as in Nitrogen or Nitroglycerin or Sodium Nitrate?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t know Doctors in these TV shows always shout out something, I’m not sure what it is I can never understand them,” Jesse said, trying to give Agent an IV needle.

“Then watch ER more!” Kevin said, trying to help, as he was a licensed doctor as well.

“I know,” Jesse said, “Why’d they have to end such an awesome show?!”

“And for the record,” Kevin said, “I have a Nursing degree in Psychiatry!”

“Will you shut up!” Agent said, growling his teeth falling out and fangs growing out in their place.

“Not if you keep on squirming,” Jesse said, holding the Needle closer and closer to Agent’s arm.

“DON’T TOUCH ME WITH THAHAHAHAT-T-T-T-T!!!” Agent said, suddenly squirming upward.

Agent’s eyes glimmered to their blue sun level and then to a red sun. Claws dug into the bed and blood gushed from Agent’s mouth as his teeth fell out. A long forked tongue dangled out, suddenly elbow spikes shot out, a cracking sound was heard. Suddenly, Agent’s tail lashed out and smashed Jesse into the heart rate monitor, causing a brief electrical disturbance throughout all of TDWF Tower.

“And the winner is!” Stormhalt interjected.

1…2…3!!! Rick Deckard wins!!!!

Agent chuckled and tried to stand up but was being held down by Kevin. Finally Agent began to burn red and smoke began rising from his clothes, as if they were being burnt. Suddenly, a dart shot out from nowhere and pierced Agent’s neck, injecting just enough tranquilizer to knock him out.

Jesse struggled to pull his head out of the heart rate monitor. He dusted himself off and chuckled, “Looks like SY tried to make a come back.”

“That’s not SY,” Falco said, “That’s something new…”

To be continued…






















“WAIT!!! WAIT!!!” Will said, “What about the final battle?!!!”

“Um…” Falco said.

1…2…3!!! GODZALLA WINS!!!!

SY

SY
The Pseudoautobiography
A spinoff from the TV smash hit TDWF!!

So it began the greatest adventure this side of the Universe has ever had to offer. Don’t you just wonder where it all began? It begins with me. Now I suppose your asking yourself ‘who are you’ and ‘what do you have to do with this epic?’ Simply put, I am the greatest of all entities.

I am Dark Lord SY born Augustus, July 31st Galactic Standard Year 2215. That’s 1535 years ago by your Earthly standards. I suppose that makes me at the very least 475 years old, according to your Earth years. The difference isn’t all that much 365 Days equals one Earth year, 350 Days equals one GS year. Its just two weeks, and I’m too lazy to actually do the math involved. The point is that I’m much older and much more important than you are.

But to understand my story you must go back much further, much, much further. In the beginning our Galaxy was made by a being named Zarius-Medalar, an Elder of the Universe and the creator of this Galaxy. However there was a problem, Zarius-Medalar’s younger brother, Abaddon tainted the Galaxy, as he was jealous of it. This led to the introduction of evil and evil things, like myself, into the Galaxy. For punishment Abaddon was sent to live amongst the mortals.

Abaddon quickly rose to power becoming the first space lord. He adopted the title of Lord Terror. Abaddon, or Terror, managed to conquer the Galaxy. He was the devil, or so they say, and now he was in charge of the entire Galaxy. Of course then his right hand man Ctògó betrayed him and conquered the Galaxy for himself. No one knows what happened to Terror, he probably died.

Of course, this is what Terror would like you to think, even Ctògó is said to believe it for some odd reason. But the truth is I am the one sent by the Elders. Not Terror or Abaddon or what the deuce his name is. Therefore I am the God, not anyone else, I am the one between the Elders and the Mortals, I am both, and I am neither, for I am superior.

My story began on the planet of Cygnus 4, continent of Badgergoaway (I’m still not sure what it’s named after), district of Woptora, and the city of Maven. In an orphanage called the Cordo. I don’t know the Elders that birthed me but I am certain it rests somewhere between the lineage of Barcalathanazen or Arxtethzenzen, the brothers bold.

Now in the Cordo, life was dull until one day I stumbled into the kitchen. I remember I was 7 years old. I remember this so clearly because it was during the Hurgwaballaballaballa crossing, as I was watching it on the TV the previous night with my bunkmates Scruff and Tuttempop.

Back to the story, who cares about the Hurgwaballaballaballa? Damn extra-galactic termites! So I found what would be come my best friend. They called it Karrsh; I suppose to you it would resemble a large curved machete or some such knife. In any case it was used to decapitate the Spamels we used to eat at the Cordo. I grabbed it; the knife was easily as tall as I was.

Another kid was with me, her name was Peraal. I drew the knife, one thing led to another and well…Let’s just say that it wasn’t my best cut, but it was nonetheless a successful one. I distinctly remember the cold adrenaline rush that came along with it. I’d never felt anything like it before, but I would certainly feel it again.

My caretaker, Zatrey, her name was, rushed in as soon as she heard the distinctive sound of metal being grinded against metal. By that point I had been poking the warm blood that had seeped onto the floor with my hands, it was gooey. Much more so than water ever had been.

The blade still was in my other hand; I was to in awe to use it again at that moment. Zatrey scolded me and called me a bad boy. What did I care, the whole thing just zoomed by past that, I don’t even remember it. I know they couldn’t charge me with any crime. Thanks to Ctògóian law you can’t charge anything under the age of 12 with a crime. Such I was deemed ‘to young to understand’, though I understood what I had done, a perfect understanding. I liked it…

But I knew that I would have to be quiet about this if I ever tried to do it again. I knew Zatrey would try to kill me the first chance she got. So I laid low for a few years, watching Senator Refiluc Atsan try to clean up the Hurgwaballaballaballa crossing. He wouldn’t succeed until I was in my twenties, of course I didn’t know that then.

It was when I was 9 at a Carnival in Capricorn City that I decided to have my fortune told. I was young and bored, I had money to spend, and I never believe these things. The Clairvoyant I saw was a Mycomorph, she was red, kind of odd, and I wasn’t sure what that meant. She grabbed my hand, her pulsating hands closing in around mine. I felt that same rush again, was she to be my next victim. But she spoke calmly in an almost inaudible hissing monotone yell. Too this day I still try to decipher her words, “You are Augustus. Yes, I see you are destined for many, many great things. But the spark is there…Oh-ho yes, the spark of insanity. The Slasher of many you will become. When you try to conquer the Titans your mind will be your own undoing, until then you must rest for three seasons. Then you will awake to face the king himself, after this you will die.”

At the lines ‘you will die’ I was seriously considering to kill her but she continued, “But then you will return in the most unlikely of places. From there your destiny will be fulfilled and you must engage you, yourself, the other you, and finally your soul. Who wins this battle of four will determine the safety of the Galaxy, and indeed the Universe. Go forth King Augustus your destiny will unfold tonight.”

From that point on I knew I was destined for greatness, the Clairvoyant handed me a knife. She and I both knew what to do with it. I smiled and left her, I have yet to meet her again, if she is even alive. But that night I murdered two more people, the joy was amazing, I was enlightened while they faced damnation for bringing on my wrath (for they were mocking me about what I had heard). That night Zatrey tried to kill me, but I managed to remove her skull before she even had the chance.

From that point on I was moved to the moon of Qou. You wanna know what Qou is like? Qou sucks, its cold, its covered in Cactus filled Taiga, and there are huge herds of Eltrix and Morgolo. Now the latter is good for eating but if you stare down an Eltrix long enough they’ll spit teeth at you. Each one of an Eltrix throwing teeth (they’re like sharks that way) has .01 Grams of Hemotoxin AB inside, that’s enough to numb you for two weeks. Still you mix an Eltrix Tooth with a Pinetoon Seed you can make Ziltzijag sauce, which is fun. So I guess Qou has its ups, but mostly downs.

Now the fun part about this was I was 9, so I still couldn’t be charged. Everyone began calling me the Slashing Youth, I was a regular celebrity. But it was fun because I would still legally get away with anything. So I regularly brandished my knife when ever I felt like it. You know the thing was that I liked the nickname, so much so that I adopted it AS my name. Or the initials rather, hence Lord SY.

So my reign of terror commenced, I enjoyed it. I had complete freedom from the law but had to undergo several of those damnable psych-therapy things. I was perfectly sane; in fact I had an IQ thrice that of my fellow orphans. I also enjoyed eating BLTs in my spare time.

But I soon (I think I was 10, I’m not sure any more) experienced defeat. I had sneaked (or is it snuck) into a Lime Plantation. I had planned to kill the owner (as the orphanage had been giving us out as free workers to him) so I snuck in to his bedroom. Suddenly he heard me, I crept back out.

He grabbed his Sonikgun and investigated outside. I crept on top of a Lime oil drum and prepared to asphyxiate the bastard, but he turned around and shot the drum. I fell over as the spilling liquid covered me. The creep smiled for he knew who I was through reputation. So I light a firecracker and tossed it passed him and straight into the Lime fields. This ignited the entire field, I cackled, the laugh last was mine. While he had disgraced me by covering me with the foul oil; I had killed his livelihood. He then shot me with the Sonikgun in the leg, shattering it in three places. I embraced the pain and smiled. You want to know the secret of pain? If you stop feeling it, you can start using it.

After I crawled away I was placed into the hospital. It was here that I met my best enemy: Guildenstern Ooitarh. He was in the hospital after being caught for vandalizing a religious icon (it was a statue of Terror, c’mon how lame is that?) and subsequently shot. He was about five years older than me so he could be charged for crime. Such we hatched a bold plan of escape together.

After I healed we escaped and simply had me perform the crimes, as I could not be charged. We created a bold criminal empire together destroying lime eaters and lime farmers alike. Soon all of Qou was but a plaything to us. As I grew older both Guildenstern and I moved into positions of power, being able to play the strings of politicians as we saw fit.

But it was not enough all the mass murderings, the power over a moon. It just wasn’t enough to satisfy us. So we decided to become true dictators over the moon. The fact that we already had so much power made the effort easier than we thought. So we conquered Cygnus 4 as well. Thus the SY Empire was born…

In another plotline, I slowly fell in love with Guildenstern’s sister, Roz. But I could never bring up the courage to admit it, so the love went unanswered. But Guildenstern and I continued our expansionist efforts, even conquering the entire Solar System. At this point even Emperor Ctògó began to take notice.

At first Ctògó remained tolerant of our empire, calling it a ‘worthy adversary waiting to bloom’. But when I turned 50, I wanted something special, so Guildenstern and I decided to go for the whole 51st Quadrant. After conquering my third solar system (the Kato system), Ctògó declared war on my little empire. My memory is all a blur for this part, I don’t recall it being that interesting as there weren’t many opportunities to slash people without provocation.

I know that I conquered the 51st, 52nd, and the 49th Quadrants. I also know that I killed Roz, as I could never bring myself to ask her for a date (this and the fact that she ate limes constantly). This led Guildenstern to defect to Ctògó, and cost me the 52nd and 49th quadrants. If I ever find Guildenstern again, I’ll kill him…slowly…very slowly…damn traitor that he is…

But still another part that I remember is the poltergeist Shaw approaching me for an alliance with his empire. While the fact that our two empires both overwhelmed Ctògó to the point of the war, we ARE not allies. Shaw is an incompetent ugly cardboard faced suck-up.

I didn’t need his pathetic empire to win anyhow. So anyway he offers me an alliance but then he serves limes at the dinner. HOW DARE HE!!!! I hate limes, serving them is an act of treason punishable by death! Such I declared war upon him until his death and he is my arch-nemesis.

But so…Like I said the war ended due to Ctògó being overwhelmed by Shaw and me. In the end Shaw and I only had a quadrant each, I’ll conquer the Galaxy someday, so I’m not too crushed. So life continued happily in the SY Empire, as there were no limes, and every crime was punished by death. All deaths are overseen me personally, unless the accused makes a last minute plea to me, his God.

This brings me to the next point there’s room for anybody in the Church of SY. So the story comes full circle, I learn of the kaiju on the planet called Earth. So I invade using that little twit named Agent. But he betrays me along with Fluffy, causing me to loose and they keep me in a computer for two years. My regret is that I never asked a girl on a date, something that will probably haunt me until my death…

But thanks to David Tennant (with a little help from Ctògó, see Season 3 of the TDWF for details) I now have my own body. And the empire begins again… [insert evil laughter here]

TDWF 15 part 2

TDWF 15 pt 2: The Saga Continues

“Wait, wait, wait,” Will said, “Did we just cut in the middle of an episode?”

“Apparently so,” Jesse said.

“But does that then make this Episode 16?” Will asked.

“No, it makes it Episode 15 part two,” Falco said.

“It makes it Episode 16 if you count the Holiday Special,” Ben said.

“So is this Episode 17 then?” Will said.

“I’m confused,” Agent said, scratching his head.

“Don’t touch me,” SY grumped, snapping his hand down.

“Ahem,” Ctògó coughed.

“Right,” Falco, Fluffy, Jesse, Agent, Will, SY and Ben said, all turning to face Ctògó.

“That was creepy,” They said together again, “So was that…And that…And that. Roast beef. Bananas. TDWF Tower. BANG! KaijuHQ, Tohokingdom, Godzilla Universe, TDWF! Shamble-bobble-dibble-dooble. Oh Agent your so handsome. Yes, I am, thank you.”

“Ahem, spare me the theatrics SY,” Ctògó said, “I’m a busy Mycomorph and I haven’t got all year.”“Right,” The heroes said together again.

“Now that thing up there, whatever it is,” Ctògó said, “Its already killed a third of my men, you take care of that monkey, and I’ll drop the charges.”

“Maybe we should think about this,” Jesse said, “Its taking on one of two weevils.”

“What do you mean weevils,” Falco asked.

“Oh, sorry typo,” Jesse said, “I meant to say evils…”

“We’ll take it!” SY shouted, without even considering the consequences.

“Excellent,” Ctògó said, “A fine opponent you are, just like Terror was. You have 4 hours.”

“Can we please get some food?” Jesse said.

Back at TDWF Tower…

“Boy was that a bad cliffhanger… ‘I have a proposition for you’,” Ben muttered, “I didn’t even have any dialogue in that past scene.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kevin said, “Not all of us can be in two places at once, I wasn’t even present.”

“Are we actually going to commentate on the kaiju fight here?” Chris asked.

“What kaiju fight?” Stormhalt quivered.

SpaceGodzilla wins!!!

“See, SpaceGodzilla won,” Kevin said, “We know everything.”

“Then why did you have Zigra fight SpaceGodzilla, it wasn’t even the finals,” Chris asked, “None of these things even make sense!”

“Does it matter?” Ben asked.

“When is my big ‘opponent’ going to land anyway,” Chris asked.

Kevin checked his watch, “Right,” he said, suddenly the ground began to shake, “Now.”

The ground shook suddenly as the spaceship crashed into the nearby ocean. “Well then,” Chris said, “I’ll be off, wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Ben said, saluting Christopher Eccleston.

“Oh my gosh, we just talked to the Doctor!” Kevin and Ben said to each other.

Christopher Eccleston jumped out of the window and landed safely at the foot of TDWF Tower, where he ran over to the Spaceship. “Is he going to be alright,” Ben said, pointing out the window.

“He’s a Time Lord, I’m sure he can take it,” Kevin said.

Back in the ship…

“What the heck?!!” Jesse said, struggling to maintain his balance.

“Well it appears we just made planetfall,” Agent said.

“Or we just fell on the planet,” Fluffy said.

Suddenly another loud clunking sound was heard, followed by a loud booming roar. “And Davy Tennant is awake,” Falco said.

“Ugh,” Jesse said, “This whole writer’s block thing is driving me crazy. He works and he works on this story then he walks away from it, only to come back and add a paragraph.”

“So what?” Will asked.

“So what?” Jesse repeated, “He keeps on bragging about how big the Fifth Season will be but he’s stuck in the climax of the third.”

“Who or what rather, is the ‘he’ that we keep referring,” Fluffy asked.

“The writer,” Jesse said, rolling his eyes.

“Can we just get on with this, I want to be in the fourth season already,” Ben said.

“Yeah sure,” SY said, “But I don’t see why HE had to come along, we have enough new characters to remember anyway.”

SY pointed to Guildenstern who had been trailing them, “Ctògó wanted me to make sure you screw-ups don’t screw this up,” Guildenstern said.

“You’re a screw-up!” SY said.

“YOU’RE A SCREW-UP!” Guildenstern yelled, getting in SY’s face.

“YOUR MOM IS A SCREW-UP!” SY shouted back.

“YOUR DAD IS A SCREW-UP!” Guildenstern said.

“Blasphemer, how dare you disrespect the Elders of the Universe,” SY said, “YOU’RE SISTER IS WAS SCREW-UP!”

“How dare you drag my sister into this, you MURDERED HER,” Guildenstern said.

“Oy, shut up you two!” Falco said, “What is with you two?”

“He started it,” SY and Guildenstern said, pointing at each other.

“I don’t care who started it but I’m going to finish it!” Falco said.

“And we’re into our first match,” Ben said, addressing the camera.

SpaceGodzilla vs. Oozaru (David Tennant)

David Tennant burst out the spaceship’s flight bay, filled with rage he searched for an opponent. SpaceGodzilla casually returned to TDWF tower from his previous match in order to enter the sauna, something he had been craving since he had first woken up. But he was thirsty and still a little tired, for he had not yet had his morning coffee. The Oozaru on the other hand was still fired up from last night and wired to explode.

Suddenly their eyes met, it was hate at first sight. David Tennant the Oozaru charged forward, preparing to tackle SpaceGodzilla. But SpaceGodzilla was prepared and managed to knock over Tennant with one swing of his mighty stellar saurian tail.

SpaceGodzilla chuckled and fired his Corona ray, blasting the Great Ape. But it was not enough, Tennant got right back up and fired a mouth ray. Tennant stood up and tried to wipe the taste from his mouth. SpaceGodzilla tackled Tennant and proceeded to stomp him viciously.

Tennant suddenly rolled away, turned around, and did a leaping side kick to the face of SpaceGodzilla. While it worked for a time SpaceGodzilla managed to turn his face back around and bite into Tennant’s foot. David Tennant roared and wrapped his tail around SpaceGodzilla’s neck.

SpaceGodzilla struggled for air as Tennant chuckled sadistically as his foe slowly fell to the ground. No air, slowly SpaceGodzilla fell to the ground, passed out. 1…2…

“It’s been too long that we haven’t done this, do we count to ten or three,” Kevin asked.

“3,” Stormhalt said.

“Thank you,” Kevin said.

3! DAVID TENNANT WINS!!!

“This is without a doubt the weirdest season finale ever,” Ben said.

“Season Five is supposedly weirder,” Kevin said.

“But we’re in Season Three,” Ben said.

“Are we even going to do SMURF today,” Stormhalt said.

“Nope,” Ben said, “No time.”

“Aw man,” Stormhalt said.

Back on the Spaceship…

“We gotta get out of here,” SY said.

“Not until you stop that THING,” Guildenstern said.

“We have a professional coming in,” Ben said.

“I’m starting to get lost between the two Bens,” Falco said.

“You too, huh,” Will said.

“So should we just like move on with the next fight so we have room for the climax?” Jesse asked.

“I think the next fight IS the climax,” Agent said, “So yeah, let’s get on with it.”

“Next round!!!” Ben proclaimed.

Christopher Eccleston vs. David Tennant

“Oh my gosh it’s the Ninth and Tenth Doctors!” Agent proclaimed.

David Tennant, Scotsman and portrayer of the Tenth Doctor, continued his path of destruction heading to the first sign of civilization: TDWF Tower; in his path, Christopher Eccleston, native of Manchester and portrayer of the Ninth Doctor. The path was set for the two best portrayers of the Doctor (underneath Tom Baker), in Agent’s mind anyway, to fight to the death, or at least very close to death anyway. Not only this but a spaceship had crashed and aliens were monitoring every move, due to SY’s deal with them. SpaceGodzilla was present and the aliens were actually in two factions. The atmosphere could not get any more intense!

“Ah crap,” Kevin said.

“What?!!” Stormhalt asked, turning around shaking.

“I forgot to record Jeopardy!” Kevin said.

Like I was saying, the atmosphere could not get any more intense. Christopher Eccleston stared down his opponent, or up rather as David Tennant had transformed into an Oozaru, or Great Ape, due to his Saiyan heritage.

The two locked eyes, “I’m going to kill you!” Tennant shouted, “You pathetic little Niner, I’m lucky number 10!”

“Funny,” Eccleston replied, “But the lucky number is seven.”

“Don’t drag Sylvester McCoy into this!” Tennant snapped back, “This is between you and me!”

“Fine,” Eccleston said calmly, “I’m giving you one last chance to leave this planet peaceably.”

“Don’t you mean peacefully?” Tennant asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I mean peaceably,” Eccleston said.

“Peacefully,” Tennant nagged.

“Peaceably,” Eccleston repeated.

“Peacefully,” Tennant said, his voice rising.

“Peaceably!” Eccleston said.

“PEACEFULLY!”

“PEACEABLY!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Ugh,” Jesse yawned, “This joke is starting to get old.”

Guildenstern prodded SY in the back, “I thought you said you were going to take the monkey out.”

“I told you,” SY said, “We have a professional coming in; he’s the one confronting the beast.”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEFULLY!!!!!!!”

“PEACEABLY!!!!!!!”

“And stop it already!” Falco shouted, “That was a bad joke and we’re already into 8 pages!”

“Just fight already!” Agent shouted.

“Fine,” Eccleston said.

Christopher Eccleston flew into the air and drew his hands back, “KA-ME-HA-ME!” He shouted.

“Oh no you don’t!” Tennant said, “GAL-ICK GUN!”

“HA!” Eccleston said, releasing a huge wave of blue energy.

The two beams suddenly smacked into each other and a titanic struggled of energy began. The two actors seemed to be evenly matched neither gaining much advantage over the other. Finally, Eccleston began to gain the upper hand, pressing back Tennant’s much larger beam of energy. Tennant could no longer hold back against the stronger blast and let his strength down just for a second, this allowed Eccleston to overpower him.

Tennant was hurt and stunned, but only for a second, he quickly jumped back on his feet and sprinted forward. But he had lost sight of Eccleston, where had that little punk gone? Suddenly the familiar Ka-me-ha-me-ha rang in Tennant’s left ear, he turned and saw the blast, and he ducked immediately dodging the blast.

The Great Ape then sped forward and grabbed Eccleston who was in mid flight. The overwhelming mass crushed Eccleston’s chest. “Uph,” Eccleston said, struggling to escape, “Let me go!”

“You stole the title role from me, I wanted to be the Ninth Doctor you little cretin!” Tennant said, laughing manically.

“WHO CARES?!! WE BOTH GOT TO PLAY THE DOCTOR ANYWAY!” Chris shouted.

This shout suddenly unlocked deep emotions within Chris Eccleston; he realized how foolish it was to give up the role of the Doctor. Filled with rage Eccleston let out a yell as his hair began to pulsate with a golden light. “What…What is this?!” Tennant said, raising an eyebrow.

Finally Eccleston’s voice reached into a resounding roar as his eyes turned into a glowing green and his hair settled into its gold coloration. “Did he just turn into Peter Davison?” Agent asked.

“No, he went Super Saiyan,” Falco snapped.

“Wait…So Christopher Eccleston is a Saiyan too?” Agent said, scratching his head.

“I said don’t touch me!” SY shouted, snapping his hand down.

“Hmm,” Jesse said, “What are the odds of that?”

Fluffy began to look very contemplative, “Don’t answer that,” Jesse said.

Finally Eccleston sped forward and began slapping Tennant silly with three dozen roundhouse kicks in 2 seconds. Tennant snarled and batted the Super Saiyan away, smashing Eccleston into the nearby mountains. “KAIOKEN!” Eccleston shouted, speeding forward, only to be detoured by the Giant Tail of Tennant.

But the climax bell rang as Eccleston flew up into the heavens, he amassed all of his energy into one final blow. “KAA-MEE-HAA-MEE…” He shouted.

Suddenly a shadow fell over him, “Huh?” Eccleston said, a massive silvery fin smacking him down.

“Why the f**k do you ignore everything I do?!” Zigra shouted, “Huh? What the f**k is f**king wrong with f**king Zigra. Seriously m********kers, what the f**king f**k is wrong with your f**ked up little minds?!!!”

“He can talk?” Falco said.

“You never saw Gamera vs. Zigra?” Agent asked.

“No,” Falco said.

“Well this fight is no longer interesting,” Ben said, ignoring the fight.

“We have to team up to stop him or else he’ll destroy the planet!” Eccleston said, rising from the rubble he was launched into from Zigra.

“F**k you!” Zigra said.

Zigra and Tennant went out for a while, which isn’t really concerned with the battle of Eccleston vs. Tennant. “STOP IGNORING ME!” Zigra screamed.

“We need to team up, we can’t stop him on our own,” Eccleston protested.

“SCREW YOU!” Zigra said.

“GALICK GUN!” Tennant shouted, firing a blast of energy.

Zigra was blasted with the energy blast, severing one of his fins. Zigra snarled but was unfazed by the injury. Eccleston looked at Zigra, Zigra looked back and nodded. “We have to serve his tail, that will undo the transformation,” Eccleston said.

Suddenly a brilliant strategy entered their heads but Tennant noticed it and sped forward to disrupt the conversation. Eccleston and Zigra both dodged out of the way, Zigra fired his paralysis ray. Tennant was frozen in place and began to fall. “DESTRUC-TO DISK!” Eccleston shouted.

A disk of energy came out of Eccleston’s palm, it shot up. Eccleston swung out of the way and guided the disk towards Tennant’s tail. The disk successfully severed the tail and Tennant began reverting back to his human form. Eccleston flew down and caught the body of his comrade, gently lowering him down to Earth. Eccleston set down the body and flew up.

CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON WI-…Suddenly Zigra stomped Christopher Eccleston, knocking him out of his Super Saiyan form and rendering him unconscious. ZIGRA WINS!!!!

“And here are the test results,” Kevin said, “Zigra has been found guilty of steroid use.”

“F**K!!!” Zigra shouted.

SPACEGODZILLA WINS!!!

“Can we just skip to the epilogue?” Ben asked.

“Sure, why not?” Will asked.

Epilogue (about a day and a half afterward)…

“Thank you for your services SY,” Ctògó said, “The charges will be dropped, as I said.”

Agent/SY/Fluffy nodded and shook hands with Ctògó as he left. “This isn’t over,” Guildenstern said, “Not by a long shot.”

“We shall see,” Agent said, bowing to Guildenstern.

Ctògó smiled, looking forward to the day when he would duel SY once more. Then Ctògó and Guildenstern transmatted away and would not return until a later season.

“Well,” Falco said, “That was fun.”

“I survived an episode!” One of the Ben’s shouted to the other, the two then chuckled.

“But we can’t go on with two Bens,” Jesse said.

“One of you has to die,” SY said, grimly.

“How?” Will said.

Suddenly an alien burst out of one of the Ben’s chest and then ran across the floor. “I suppose that works,” Will said.

SY cackled at the sight of the alien breaking out of Ben’s ribcage. “But that still leaves one question?” Kevin said, “What about him?”

Kevin pointed to the unconscious body of David Tennant, still scarred from battle. “He’s been in a coma for a while now,” Jesse said, “The fact of being on such a horrible TV show, abducted by aliens, sentenced to death, and the whole transformation must have been too much. I think it whipped his mind.”

“He’s a Saiyan,” Christopher Eccleston said, stepping out from nowhere, “Which makes him my responsibility.”

“He’s basically a brainless body,” Jesse said, “What would you do with him?”

“I’m not sure,” Eccleston replied, staring at the body of his comrade.

“Unfortunately as a doctor,” Jesse said, “I can’t let him leave here until he is orderly, at least to some degree.”

“And we need do get rid of SY and everyone else in Agent’s head,” Falco said, pointing to Agent.“Everybody Else? My name is Fluffy!” Fluffy protested.

“More like Señor Traitor Fluffy Univac,” SY said.

“Hold on,” Ben said, looking at Agent, then shifting to David Tennant, “I think I have an idea.”

“I get the feeling it’s a bad one,” Stormhalt said.

A few hours later…

“Hello!” David Tennant said, snapping out of his coma.

“Well,” Jesse said, taking his gloves off, “It appears the operation was a success.”

“Oh my head,” Agent said, standing up on a medical bed next to Tennant.

David Tennant breathed in deeply, “Now to try out this new voice,” Tennant said, “I am Dark Lord SY! Prince of all Saiyans!”

“Slow down there, Goku,” Jesse said, “You need your rest.”

Falco burst into the room after hearing what Tennant just said, “You gave SY Tennant’s body?!!” he sputtered.

“Well yeah, I couldn’t kill him,” Jesse said.

“I could have,” Falco said.

“Shut up,” Agent said, “I’m just glad to have this body for myself.”

“Well,” Kevin said, “I think I can safely say that we could all do with a nice nap right about now.”

Everyone nodded, Christopher Eccleston stepped inside the TARDIS. “Right then, I’ll be off,” He said, he then held up some cod (which was given to him by Kevin in a cut scene), “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

“There goes my hero,” Agent sniffled.

“What did we do with Fluffy anyway,” Will asked, as the TARDIS dematerialized in the background.

“I’m your new computer!” Fluffy chuckled, his voice coming through the intercom, “I am the ultimate security system!”

“Nap time,” Agent said, falling asleep.

“Indeedly so,” Falco said.

“See you all next season,” Ben said, “Have a good night from all of us here at TDWF!”

Be sure to tune in for Season Four: The Return of Shaw! With special guest stars Vin Diesel and John Barrowman!

TDWF 15

TDWF 15: Paul McGann we hardly knew ye

“Alright,” Christopher Eccleston said, “So I’m in the middle of a shoot and then I get this phone call saying that the UN wants me to aid with some sort of International crisis, and that I am to leave immediately. Now which one of you wants to tell me what’s up?”

“Oh my gosh it’s the DOCTOR!!!” Ben shouted.

“Oy, I’m not the Doctor,” Christopher Eccleston said, “Well not anymore.”

“Well there’s a spaceship about to crash into Earth carrying a number of hostiles and a giant monkey,” Stormhalt said, “W-we need help, really badly.”

“Yeah you do really need help, your show reuses the same gags over and over,” Christopher Eccleston said.

“No we don’t!” Ben protested.

“Oh my gosh it’s the DOCTOR!!!” Kevin shouted, upon seeing Christopher Eccleston.

“Just tell me why I would be of any knowledge in this situation?” Christopher Eccleston, “And stop calling me that, just call me Chris.”

“Because the giant monkey up there is David Tennant,” Kevin said, “And being that you both were the Doctor you should be able to help us.”

Back on the ship...

The heroes struggled to find their way downward, through the wreckage that the Great Ape David Tennant caused. “Man this is like that scene in Godzilla,” Ben said, “You know where they crawl through the sewers and Godzilla is doing the same.”

“Let’s just hope we don’t find David,” SY said.

“Hold on,” Jesse said, “I believe we need to make a distinction: In the previous episode Ben was cloned on Earth but he had survived his apparent death onboard the ship as such there are two Bens.”

“Thanks,” SY said, “But I think the audience is smart enough to figure that out on their own.”

“Man I told you we should’ve gotten like Morgan Freeman or Vincent D’Onofrio as a guest star,” Falco said, “But neeeoooo, no one ever listens to me anymore.”

“Hey I’m still voting for Sam Neil,” Will said, “Sam Neil, anyone, anyone?”

“How about Russell Crowe?” SY suggested.

“Ugh no,” Jesse said.

“Look can we just focus on escaping,” Falco said, “How does a 300 foot monkey just disappear?”

“Well the ship is thrice the size of Manhattan,” Agent said, “I don’t think it can be that hard. Tennant is no idiot, he knows not to blow the airlock.”

“Reassuring,” Jesse said.

“Is thrice even a word?” Falco said.

“I hope so,” Agent said.

The commentators scrambled through the hallways trying to find their way to an escape pod. “SY,” Jesse said, “How much further should we have?”

“How the heck should I know?” SY said.

“I thought you said you were an engineer of sorts,” Jesse said.

“I am,” Fluffy proclaimed, who was running the schematics through his head.

Fluffy pointed to two big bulky doors, “Behind those doors should be what we are looking for,” he said, “I helped design this ship you know.”

The Commentators burst through the thick doors, it was a room filled with tables and it smelt like food. “This isn’t the emergency escape room,” Will said.

“I was under the impression that we were looking for food, I’m hungry,” Fluffy said.

“You’re a loony,” SY said.

Despite this Fluffy calmly approached the vendor currently working in the Mess Hall. “Oy, how much is a kronkburger, mate?” Fluffy asked.

“Four quellbackers,” The vendor said.

Fluffy reached into his pocket, “Hey, who cleared out my pockets of quellbackers?!!” he shouted.

“Yeah that was me, sorry!” Agent said, “No use on Earth!”

“I know how to settle this,” SY said, shooting the vendor.

“WHOA!” Falco said, “Enough multiple personalities and enough violence...What an ironic, ironic line...”

“He started it!” One of Agent’s personalities said, as his two hands pointed at each other.

“I’m just throwing this out there,” Jesse said, “But if you had a gun why didn’t you just shoot David to begin with?”

“He might’ve regenerated,” SY said, snidely.

“Look just shut up,” Will said, “We need to get out of here!”

“Relax they don’t know we’re here,” Ben said.

The klaxons suddenly sounded and a guard’s voice came on the intercom, “Intruder sighted in Mess Hall 5!”

“Yet,” Ben added.

“Leaving now!” Jesse said.

“But I’m hungry!” Fluffy said.

Suddenly the entire spaceship shook and rattled. “What was that?!!” Will said, struggling to stay standing up.

SY was merely floating in the air, “Oh that?” he said, “That’s just the ship entering the atmosphere.”

The heroes ran down the hall, SY was hovering, “Stop showing off and just run like a regular human being!” Falco shouted.

“Fine,” Agent said.

Suddenly an armed guard wielding a plasma rifle stepped out, “Freeze in the name of Ctógò!” he shouted.

The heroes put their hands up, except for Agent, who calmly walked forward. “What are you going to do to me ‘Lord’ SY, kill me, smite me with your godly powers,” the guard taunted.

SY raised his hand and telepathically grabbed the guard by the throat, “I find your lack of faith disturbing,” SY said, straggling him with his telekinesis.

“Enough of these rip-offs,” Jesse said, “SY, release him!”

“As you wish,” SY said.

The guard gasped for air, SY took out his gun and shot him in the head. “Hey knock it off!” Will said.

“Better them than me,” Ben said, “And anyway he was wearing red.”

Will inspected the shirt, “I guess,” he said.

Falco took the gun from the dead guard, “Hey there’s an elevator!” Jesse said.

“And I have an idea!” Falco said.

Five minutes later, downstairs...

The Elevator opened up, Guildenstern was there, and he saw the body of his dead comrade. There was something on the dead guard’s shirt, Guildenstern examined it closely, “Now I have a plasma rifle,” he said, reading the words written in blood on the shirt, “Ho-ho-ho.”

Running down the stairs with the heroes...

“I don’t get it,” Ben said.

“I don’t see why we have to run down the stairs,” Jesse grumped.

“Relax its good for you,” Falco said, “Wait...I thought Agent broke his leg last episode...”

“I did,” Agent said, “I heal quickly.”

“I guess...” Falco said.

Back on Earth...

“So am I going to fight David or what,” Christopher Eccleston asked.

“Just wait...” Kevin said.

“First match!” Ben shouted.

Titanosaurus vs. Zigra

“Whoa!” Chris said pointing out the window and upward, “What is that?!”

He pointed upward toward a twinkling light, “Oh that?!” Ben said, “That’s the spaceship crashing.”

“AHHHHH!!!” Stormhalt said, turning around and running away, screaming.

“I thought you said I was going up to fight David in a spaceship,” Chris said.

“Well it’s a bit difficult to land in the spaceship considering its crashing,” Kevin said.

“I see, fantastic,” Chris said, sarcastically, “So do you guys actually do anything?”

“Nah,” Ben said, “We just sit here and commentate.”

“Don’t you pay any attention at all to the monster fights?” Chris asked.

“Of course all the attention goes to the kaiju,” Kevin said.

ZIGRA WINS!!!

“Who won?” Ben said.

“There was a fight going on?” Stormhalt asked.

Back on the ship...

“Just a little further and we should be in the fighter bay,” Fluffy said.

“I hope so,” Jesse said, panting, “I don’t want to think running down five miles of stairs was for nothing.”

“I’m hungry now,” Will said.

“There’s bound to be a vending machine around here somewhere,” SY said.

Everyone stared at SY, “What,” he said, “These things always have vending machines.”

“Food would be lovely right now,” Falco said, “But I thought Agent ditched all your quellbackers.”

“I did,” Agent said, “But I always keep a Qyar handy.”

“Oh thank goodness,” Fluffy said.

“A what?” Jesse stammered.

“5 zimmers to a puul, 5 puuls to a qyar, 5 qyars to a quellbacker, 5 quellbackers to a bink, 5 binks to a jaichi,” Fluffy said.

“Ugh,” Jesse said, “Too much random wordage.”

“That’s just because you don’t understand galactic currency,” Agent said.

“Look there’s the bay door!” Will shouted.

“How do you figure,” SY asked, inspecting the door.

“The fact that it has bay door written in big letters across it,” Will said.

“Ah,” SY said.

“Well open it!” Falco protested.

Agent slid his hand over a scanner and the door opened, revealing a small flight of stairs, but in the massive bay level the sounds of plasma rifles, metal being crushed, and men screaming for mercy was heard. “What the heck is going on?!!” Ben shouted.

Falco looked forward, “Something tells me that David has beat us to the bay,” he said, ominously.

As if on cue David Tennant, the Great Ape, stepped forward roaring at Ctógò’s men. “Open fire!” One of the men shouted.

The plasma rifles had no effect as the giant feet of the Great Ape smashed down on the henchmen. “We should find a ship now,” Will said.

“Why?” Agent said, “None of us know how to fly them!”

“I can fly anything,” Falco said, “I could fly before I could drive.”

“Show off,” SY muttered.

“Let’s just do it before he sees us,” Jesse said.

“Who?” SY asked.

“Him,” Jesse said, gesturing with his head toward David.

“Who??” SY stammered.

“Heeeemmm,” Jesse said, gesturing with his head again.

“I don’t get who he means,” SY said.

“Him,” Jesse whispered loudly.

SY struggled to look beyond Jesse but could not figure it out, “Who?” SY asked, “There’s like 200 guys behind you.”

“Him,” Jesse said, pointing at David.

“I’m still not getting it,” SY said.

“THE FREAKING MONKEY!!!” Jesse shouted.

“Oh ho-ho, whose a f**king monkey?” David chuckled, “It’s you guys again! Muwa-ha-hah-ha!”

The Great Ape sped forward crushing the guards in his wake, laughing manically. “Elevator, elevator, now!” Falco said, leading the commentators toward the elevator.

Will frantically pushed the up button, “It’s not working!” He said, sadly.

“DANG IT!” Jesse shouted.

The commentators instead were forced to run back inside the stairwell. Luckily the walls of the fighter were much thicker than in other halls. David pounded and roared, “Galick Gun,” he shouted,.

But the energy blast was rendered useless against the bulk head and it reflected back and hit David, knocking him out. “Ugh ow,” David said, before falling asleep.

The commentators ran up the stairwell once more, “Hey look a vending machine!” Jesse said.

They ran to it, “Ah there’s only Lay’s,” Falco said.

“Lay’s eww...” Agent said.

“It’s still food!” Will said, “Quick, Agent give me a quagmire or coconut or quagga or whatever it’s called.”

“It’s called a quellbacker,” Agent said, handing the green coin to Will.

Will placed it in the machine and bought the bag of chips, “Give me that, I’m hungry!” SY said, stealing it from Will.

“Hey its mine!” Will said.

“No,” SY said, “Its mine!”

“Dang it now I’m hungry stop talking about food!” Jesse shouted.

Will and SY engaged in a tug-a-war over the bag of chips. “Why are we even fighting over a bag of chips? Its Lay’s, Lay’s suck!” Falco said.

“But its food,” SY shouted, “Now give-me-that! I am Lord SY and you will obey-me!”

SY and Will suddenly tugged with all their might splitting the bag into two and then flinging it into the middle of the stairwell, where there were in fact no stairs.

“Now look what you’ve done!” SY shouted.

“Agent quick, give me another quailbarker,” Will said, extending his hand.

“That was my last one,” Agent stammered.

“And that was our only food,” Jesse moaned.

“Gah,” Falco growled, “Now I’m hungry.”

“Not my problem,” SY said, “Let’s eat Ben.”

“WHAT?!!” Ben shuddered.

“You die in every episode,” SY continued, “I don’t see what the deal is, I mean I’ve eaten other people before.”

The other commentators shivered at the thought, “Let’s just try to find our way off this ship,” Falco said, “Let’s go down that hall.”

Falco pointed to a door, “Why,” Jesse inquired.

“Because my gut is telling me too,” Falco said.

“Did you have to say gut,” Jesse said, holding his, “I’m hungry!”

The commentators burst through the door, there was a corridor but it quickly ended in what appeared to be a giant gap. “I’m guessing this is how Davy boy got into the Fighter Bay,” Falco noted.

“I concur,” Will said.

“Now how do we get across,” Falco contemplated.

“We could jump,” Agent suggested.

“You go and do that,” Jesse said, snidely.

Agent walked up to the gap and simply jumped across, “How the heck did he do that?” Will asked.

“My home planet has five times as much gravity!” Agent said.

“Yeah but how do we get across,” Falco said.

Ben reached into his pocket and produced a grappling gun. “Where’d you get that?!” Jesse said.

“I stole it from Christian Bale when I asked him to be a guest star,” Ben chuckled.

“Another good guest star!” Falco shouted.

“Well just fire the thing,” Jesse said.

Ben fired the gun as it latched on to the other side, “I’ll go first,” Ben said.

“No, I wanna go first!” Falco said.

“I’m the most expendable character,” Ben said, “Let me do it.”

Falco nodded as Ben swung across, “HOLY S**T!!” Ben said, as he landed on the other side.

Ben then whispered quietly while swinging the rope across, “Davy boy is right there,” he said, pointing downward, “Don’t wake the monkey up!”

Back on Earth...

“Man I should of called Bruce Willis,” Kevin said, looking up at the approaching spaceship.

“Are you saying I’m not good enough,” Chris asked.

“No your fine,” Kevin said.

“Shall we get on with the next match?” Ben asked.

“No,” Stormhalt said, “Tennant is still in the air, he has to land.”

“Ugh,” Ben said.

“Just star the fight,” Chris said, “I’m bored out of my skull.”

“Okay fine,” Kevin said.

SpaceGodzilla vs. Zigra

SpaceGodzilla roared and flew into the arena then he landed and roared even louder. Zigra was actually quiet terrified of his opponent. SpaceGodzilla suddenly noticed the spaceship crashing behind Zigra, he pointed. Zigra spun around as SpaceGodzilla shot crystalline missiles forward.

Meanwhile onboard the ship...

The commentators burst through another door after just barely passing through the massive gap. The clicking of plasma rifles was heard as three dozen gunmen aimed at the heroes. Falco chuckled nervously, dropped his gun, and put his hands up. A caped figure turned around revealing the face of Ctógò. “Um, I guess can we have any of the charges dropped?” Will chuckled.

“Actually,” Ctógò said, gesturing for his guards to put down their weapons, “I have a bit of a proposition for you.”

To be continued...

TDWF 14

TDWF 14: Trial of the Century

“Why the heck did we stop using Roman Numerals,” Falco asked.

“Come to mention it why have we been on hiatus for two months?” Will asked.

“Never mind that there are guys pointing spears at us!” Jesse said.

“Quiet right,” Falco said, staring down SY’s forces.

“You three going to join me or not?” SY chuckled.

“Um...” Will said.

“Yes, yes of course we will Lord SY,” Jesse said.

“Good, good, you just let down an incredibly good cliffhanger,” SY said.

“Lord SY,” A technician reported, “Emperor Ctògó's just docked with the LSYBAMS.”“Good,” SY said.

“We’re receiving a communication’s wave,” The technician continued.

“Patch it through,” SY said.

“Dark Lord SY,” The man on the other side, “It’s been a while.”

“Yes it has Rosencrantz,” SY said.

“My name is Guildenstern!” the man said, “Be prepared for trial.”

“Will do,” SY said, doing a mocking salute.

“Oh crap,” Agent said.

“What was that?” Guildenstern asked, studying SY closely.

“Nothing,” SY said.

“And who are the buffoons behind you?” Guildenstern inquired, “Lawyers?”

“Witnesses,” SY said.

“You have one hour to prepare for trial,” Guildenstern said, “No funny business.”
The view screen cut off, “What does no funny business mean?” Falco asked.

“No warfare before trial, no violence, no trying to escape,” SY said.

“And more to the point what does ‘oh crap’ mean?” Jesse asked, trying to raise one eyebrow but failing miserably.

“Oh crap,” Agent said, speaking through SY’s lips, “Means that today was the day David Tennant was supposed to make a guest appearance.”“How the h**l did we get David Tennant as a guest star?” Falco asked.

“Yeah he’s a big-shot!” Will added.

“It doesn’t matter!” Jesse said.

“Exactly,” SY said, “We must prepare for trial, if these were my jurors I could pass but these are Ctógò’s.”

Back on Earth...

“So we were put on hiatus because of the writer’s computer malfunctioning?” Stormhalt asked.

“That’s what he said,” Kevin said.

“Wh-what if he forgot about us and we were stuck as re-runs forever, I mean I’m only in like five episodes you’re in all 14!” Stormhalt trembled.

“Relax,” Kevin said, “We’re back and that’s all that matters…”

Kevin’s eyes shifted to the calendar, “Oh crap,” Kevin said.
“What now?!!” Stormhalt shouted.

“Today is the day David Tennant is supposed to visit,” Kevin said.

“Well first match then,” Stormhalt said, shaking.

Fire Rodan vs. KaiserGhidorah

Fire Rodan rushed into the arena screeching and firing his energy beam. KaiserGhidorah sped forward to try and intercept the pterodactyl kaiju but the energy beam deterred him from doing so. Fire Rodan soared upward; KaiserGhidorah spun around and shot gravity waves at his opponent.

Up and down Fire Rodan went being smacked against the ground. Kaiser Ghidorah finally relinquished his release over Fire Rodan, who tried to take off but KaiserGhidorah held him down. 1...2...Fire Rodan spat one final energy beam at KaiserGhidorah, but it was to no avail as the 3 was spoken.
KaiserGhidorah wins!!

“Um hi,” A man said, entering the commentator’s booth, “I’m not early am I?”

“Oh my gosh it’s the DOCTOR!!!” Kevin shouted, jumping up.

“I’m not the Doctor,” The man said, he turned to the camera, “I play the Doctor on TV, good evening ladies and gentlemen I’m David Tennant.”

“Hey you have a Scottish Accent!” Kevin said.

“Ah! Imposter!” Stormhalt shouted.

“I only talk with another accent when I perform not many people can understand this voice,” David Tennant said.

“Rrrriiiggghhhhttt,” Kevin said.

“And will you please stop referring to me in the script as David Tennant,” David Tennant said, “Just call me David!”

“Okay David Tennant,” Kevin said.

Back on the ship...

“We need to communicate to TDWF Tower make sure everything is alright down there,” Will said.

“And I need a good lawyer,” SY said, “Establish communication feed to TDWF Tower.”

The visual screen appeared showing Kevin, Stormhalt, and David Tennant, “Stop calling me that!” David Tennant shouted.

“Oh my gosh it’s the DOCTOR!!!” Agent shouted, jumping up.

“I bet you would make a good lawyer,” SY said.

“I’m not a lawyer, I’m a-,” David Tennant said, the transmat cutting him off.

“Good a Scottish Lawyer, now I’m set,” SY muttered.

“Um, Kevin we need a new Ben,” Will said, “Be a good fellow and go make another.”

“Righto,” Kevin said, dashing off.

“Let’s go, allons-,” Agent said, before David Tennant cut him off.

“Don’t you dare say it,” David Tennant muttered.

“Sie,” Fluffy said.

“How’d I get here?” David Tennant said, looking around, “And stop calling me that.”

“It’s called a transmat beam Doctor,” Agent said.

“Oh my gosh it’s the DOCTOR!!!” Ben shouted, appearing from nowhere.

“Doctor, of everything, as I am told,” SY said, “You will be an extremely useful ally.”

“I told you, I just play the Doctor,” David Tennant said.

“Ben!” Jesse shouted, “You’re alive, but how did you...”

“We’ll leave that plot hole for the audience to solve,” Ben said, “Now what is happening.”

“We have a trial to prepare for,” SY said, “How much longer do we have?”

“15 minutes,” Fluffy said.

“Damn,” SY said.

“Not to mention we’re already five pages in,” Agent said.

Back on Earth...

The newly formed clone Ben stepped out of the cloning machine, “Ugh, I am never going to get used to that,” he said, breathing in the cold steam.

“Welcome back kiwi,” Kevin said, shaking hands with the clone.

“And now it’s time for SMURF,” Stormhalt said, “Short Murderous Unnamed Random Fiascoes.”

“That’s not what it stands for!” Ben shouted.

“It isn’t?!!” Stormhalt quivered.

Werewolf vs. Killer Rabbit

Killer Rabbit hopped into the arena, as the Werewolf lunged forward howling at the full moon. Immediately the Killer Rabbit leapt forward decapitating the Werewolf in one simple strike.

Winner is the Killer Rabbit...

“That has got to be the shortest battle in SMURF history,” Kevin said.

“I miss David Tennant,” Stormhalt said.

Back in Space...

“This trial by United Peoples Under Emperor Ctógò of Dark Lord ‘SY’ Augustus,” Guildenstern said, “The charges are Treason, 201,043,781 counts of murder varying degrees, Larceny, 100 counts of Extortion, Bribery, Drug Abuse, Three counts of Indecent Exposure.”
“Oh boy,” Jesse said.

“Don’t give up yet,” Falco said.

“Flying and Driving under the influence, Extortion on the Planetary Scale, Espionage, Blackmail, Hotmail, Gmail, Blasphemy, Conspiracy to commit murder, Conspiracy to Treason, Conspiracy to Conspire,” Guildenstern said, “And 1 unpaid parking ticket. We request no bail your honor. The defendant is the definition of flight risk, and public enemy.”
Emperor Ctógò leaned forward from out of the shadows; he was a mushroom-amphibian like alien with three eyes. He was bald, smelt of decaying fish, a prominent fangs, and pale yellow eyes. “How do we plead,” Ctógò asked.

“Not guilty,” David Tennant said.

“Yeah we are screwed,” Falco said.

“The people calls Detective Phillip Falco,” Guildenstern said.

“Did you just say the ‘People calls’?” SY cackled pointing at Guildenstern.

“Mr. Augustus please restrain yourself,” Ctógò said.

Falco approached the seat up in front; the twelve jurors eyed him suspiciously. Guildenstern held forward the holy book of Ctógò. “Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so Ctógò help you?” Guildenstern asked.

“I guess,” Falco said.

“How would you describe Mr. Augustus and your relationship with him,” Guildenstern asked, putting the book away.

“I would describe Dark Lord SY as a stupid megalomaniacal moron who loves to kill people with no apparent provocation. He is racially insensitive, ignorant, and is afraid of limes,” Falco said, “Agent on the other hand is just the opposite. He is incredibly thoughtful, smart, and nice.”“I believe the question was about Augustus,” Guildenstern said, “Not this ‘Agent’ person.”

“No but Agent and SY they’re the same guy,” Falco said, pointing at SY.

“Yes we’ve heard the rumors,” Guildenstern said, “We all know they aren’t true... The People rest...”

David Tennant stood up and approached Falco, “Now Mr. Falco if this ‘Agent’ person and ‘SY’ are the same person then just tell us about his good side,” he said, winking.

“Well it’s like I said, Agent is nice, kind, understanding, smart,” Falco said.

“Objection!” Guildenstern said, “He’s feeding the witness answers!”

“Mr. Tennant tread carefully,” Ctógò said.

Half a trial later...

“Well that cut the episode in half,” Falco muttered, watching from the sidelines with Jesse and Ben.

“Mr. Augustus did you commit the crimes mentioned earlier?” Guildenstern asked.

“Darn straight,” SY said, now on the stand, “And I’d do ‘em again in a heartbeat.”

The Jurors all gasped...

Near the end of the trial...

“And need I remind you that helping this traitor is a crime punishable by death,” Guildenstern said in his closing argument, “Make your vote matter.”“I’m an actor, not a lawyer, I have nothing,” David Tennant said, beguiled.

Five minutes later...

“Have the people made their decision?” Ctógò asked.

“We have your Honor,” A juror said, “We find the Defendant, Augustus guilty of all counts.”“Then,” Ctógò said, “I sentence you to the Bruits chamber to die a day later. And that goes for your allies too.”

“What?!!” David Tennant shouted.

Six armored guards placed handcuffs around Agent’s, Falco’s, Jesse’s, Will’s, Ben’s, and David’s hands. They then jammed their rapiers into their prisoner’s backs, edging them forward.

“Man, this sucks!” Will said.

“Yeah,” Ben said.

Ctógò escorted SY down, “I didn’t want to do this SY,” he said, “It makes me sad to see such a worthy adversary go down like this.”“Oh-ho, don’t worry,” SY said, “I’ll be out of here in no time.”“We shall see,” Ctógò said, going the other way.

Soon enough the heroes were brought to a metal door, they were un-handcuffed and shoved inside. It was a massive dome inside, a crystal dome, perfectly see through. It was there that they realized that they were on top of a massive space-station, and there right beside it was the Earth. “Wow, this is like the third time this has happened,” Jesse commented.

It was smooth tiles inside, “What exactly is a Bruits chamber?” Falco asked.

“It’s a chamber that amplifies moonlight and then uses it to burn people alive,” Agent said, calmly.

“Reassuring,” Jesse said.

“How long do we have?” Will asked.

“About five minutes,” Agent said.

“I never thought it would come to this,” Will said.

“Gentlemen, it’s been an honor,” Falco said.

The commentators on board nodded, “I’m getting out of here!” SY said, smacking into the glass wall.

“Oy, Doctor use your sonic wrench or whatever it’s called to get us out of here!” SY shouted.

“Why should I help you?!!” David asked, “This is all your fault we’re all going to die because of you!”

“What better way is there to die,” SY asked.

David ran forward and began to strangle SY, SY kicked him in the groin.

Dark Lord SY vs. David Tennant

David staggered backward but punched SY backward, making the alien warlord loose a tooth. “Fantastic,” David muttered before punching SY again and again.

SY telekinetically shoved David backward, but the BBC actor was back on his feet and delivered a bicycle kick to his opponent. SY back-flipped over kicking David on to the glass. David pulled himself up just dodging a punch from SY. Tennant then grabbed SY’s head and smashed it against the glass repeatedly. SY whipped the blood off his mouth and backfisted Tennant.

After that SY released a volley of fireballs all of which Tennant dodged. SY grumbled and tried to jump kick David, but the actor grabbed on to his leg. SY’s leg was smashed onto David Tennant’s knee, breaking it.

“Okay you know what,” SY asked, “I surrender.”

DAVID TENNANT WINS!!!

Despite SY’s surrender, David smashed SY into the wall and then crushed his head into the tile with his foot. “F**K YOU, YOU M**********G SON OF A B***H!!!” Tennant said.

At this point David Tennant had been invited to appear on a lame show, abducted by aliens, forced to be a lawyer, and was now imprisoned he had now lost his sanity. “Just calm down and look at the moon,” Will said, patting David on the shoulder and directing him to the moon, “The thing that is about to burn us to death.”

David stared at the moon and laughed hysterically as his irises and pupils began to disappear. “I think he’s lost it,” Ben said.

“I concur,” Jesse said.

SY looked up as David continued to chuckle manically. “What is his problem?!!” Agent asked.

The moonlight began to shoot through the dome, covering the heroes. Tennant looked at the commentators like a starved tiger would a deer. “I’m backing up now,” Falco said, walking backward slowly.

“Yeah me too,” Agent said.

Jesse, Will, and Ben also backed up. “What’s wrong?” Tennant cackled, “Scared?”

Tennant turned to face the moon again and continued to chuckle. His heart began to beat rapidly and loudly, even the commentators could hear it. Tennant’s eyes no longer had pupils or irises, they had vanished. A tail suddenly shot out from underneath his suit, and Tennant began to ripple with muscles. Hair began to grow all over his body as he grew in size, his face extended further. “What’s happening?!!” Jesse asked.

Tennant began to grow bigger and bigger his features becoming more and more distorted, “Taste my true power!” he shouted.

“David Tennant...” Agent said, “is...a saiyan?!!”

The Great Ape finally reached its full height as David looked down, “Not just the average actor am I now?” He asked, his voice booming, “Maybe I should have been a Special Guest Star, hmmmm?!!”

The surface suddenly imploded under the Great Ape’s weight. “We need help!” Jesse said.

“Who’d help us now?!!” Will asked.

“I have an idea!” Agent said.

“Well what is it?!!” Falco asked.

“Final match!” Agent shouted.

KaiserGhidorah vs. Great Ape David Tennant

KaiserGhidorah rushed into outer space to rescue the Commentators. Only to be met by the massive Great Ape. The two were at first confused startled by the other’s presence. But soon Tennant engaged the first blow. “Super Galick Gun!” He shouted, shooting an energy blast at KaiserGhidorah.

KaiserGhidorah dodged it with relative ease and retorted with a gravity beam, to which Tennant dodged with ease. The two immediately engaged in melee combat, Tennant punching the three headed dragon, while KaiserGhidorah grabbed Tennant’s shoulders with two mouths and began to drain energy. Tennant hissed and bit down the middle neck. KaiserGhidorah struggled to break free but it was no use.

Finally the outer heads let go but Tennant did not let go of the middle head. Finally the middle head came off. Tennant chuckled and spat the neck out. “Death Ball!” He shouted, firing a massive energy wave, but it collided with two gravity waves.

KaiserGhidorah struggled to keep the Death Ball from coming any closer and managed to push it back to Tennant. “Galick Gun!” he shouted, shooting an energy wave into the back of the Death Ball.

The immense force was too much the Death Ball shot forward and completely obliterated KaiserGhidorah.

DAVID TENNANT WINS!!!

As the Great Ape won he pounded his chest in victory, “What do you think of my power now b***h who do you think you are?” He growled, but then the floor gave way and the Great Ape sunk into the ship below.

While this provided the heroes with the means to escape it was dangerous as now David Tennant the legendary Saiyan warrior was somewhere inside. “Well we’re about to breakout of prison with our worst enemy, on a damaged ship crawling with hostiles, and there’s a 300 foot monkey on the loose. What could be worse?” Jesse asked.

Agent pointed out the window, “The fact that we’re about to crash into Earth’s atmosphere!” he said.

“S**T!” Jesse said.

Back on Earth...

“David Tennant’s gone mad and there’s a spaceship about to crash into Earth,” Kevin said.

“Oh crap!” Stormhalt said.

“There’s only one man we can call to help us in this situation,” Kevin said.

“Who’s that?” Ben asked.

Kevin picked up the phone and dialed the operator, “Yes, hello,” he said, “Yes, get me Christopher Eccleston...”

To be continued...